Mick Funny Status Messages

   I've been wracking my brain trying to remember that movie where Joe Pesci plays a hot-tempered little tough guy.

   A Baby Whirlpool Bathtub "With a calming whirlpool and massaging bubbles, your infant will enjoy a luxurious spa experience at home!" (Hey, you never know when a 5 month old may need to unwind.)

   Don't give me this, "Just because I accepted your friend request, it doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with you" stuff. If I had wanted to sleep with you, it would've happened already.

   How we'll truly know when the economy has rebounded: When Reggae bands go back to hiring guys whose only job it is to dance.

   The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again.

   When your kid is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.

   Twisted Personal Ads: SWM seeking SWF. Age, ethnicity and religion not important. Nymphomaniacal tendencies and chronic laryngitis are a plus. Please reply to Box OU692

   Folks who say, "I can't take all this drama", are the same ones who make Hollywood rich paying $15 to see it on a movie screen.

   When it comes to acronyms, I believe that DILLIGAF is right "up there" with NASA.

   My cannibal neighbors invited me over for dinner. They must've been upset that I was late. They gave me the cold shoulder.

   I need to lose weight. Baskin-Robbins just called my mom and told her because of me they're down to only 5 flavors.

   The human soul weighs 1.3 lbs. I have no proof of this other than my friend who's an attorney saying that he weighed himself immediately before and after passing the Bar exam.

   Q. What's the difference between a Canadian and a canoe? A. The canoe will eventually tip.

   When you think about how big the Earth is, then how small it is compared to the Sun, and how the Sun is just a speck of dust in the universe, it's easy to justify eating an entire chocolate cake.

   I speak several languages besides English: British, Australian, Scottish and Welch.

   Ladies, you're the syrup atop my waffles, the sizzle on my bacon and the cream in my coffee. What I'm saying is ur killing me.

   Daylight Saving(s) Time.Sheesh. Gimme a break. Know what? I give it eight months.

   "A Day Without A Woman" result: 90 % of all men reported fewer headaches.

   Daylight Savings Time: I say start it on a Monday at 5 pm. You wouldn't lose the hour on Sunday, and it would shorten Monday.

   A guy just busted down my door and claimed to be a Bounty Hunter. I said, "You won't take me alive!" He looked at me as if I had two heads, then stole my paper towels.