Me Funny Status Messages

   im gassy while watching the news... imma go occupy the toilet

   I've finally figured out why they're called 'payslips'.... the 'pay' just 'slips' right through your fingers!!! :(

   Catholic." ... ... ... He says, "Yes, I'm single & Catholic!" The nun kisses the driver then asks why he is crying. I lied. I must confess I'm married & I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin & I'm going to a Halloween party!"

   What's the big deal about the Facebook changes? This is a free social media site you chose to use. Get over it or don't use it....seems simple to me

   told my girlfriend .. "if you ever want to try anal sex, I'll be behind you all the way"!!

   So you saw my new boyfriend and ask me what happened to my standards? Well duh .. I raised them!!!

   I am a member of NSS( National Sarcastic Society).Our motto:"Like we Need your approval"

   Sometimes my LOL just means, Lack-Of-Laughter

   seeing all these profile pics of old men in honor of Father's Day is giving me the creeps. My wall looks more like a list of sex offenders..

   I disagree... It's going to be a Great Friday!

   Wow I slept like an air traffic controller last night.

   AT&T and T-Mobile are getting married, There will be no reception.

   Whats the differentce between A Jersey girl and a piece of trash? People pick up trash.

   Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better about downloading music of the internet.

   RODEO SEX: while having sex call her the wrong name and try to hold on for 8 seconds

   An empty web browsing history is a sure sign of guilt.

   "Porn Actor Kills Colleague With Prop Weapon." It was apparently not a banana in his pocket, nor was he happy to see him.

   Every time I see Renee Zellweger on screen I want to hand her an antihistamine.

   I just invented a new candy called Mike and Ike and Tina. When you eat 'em, your front teeth fall out

   I got an enema in honor of National Punctuation Day. I now have a perfect colon.