MWC Funny Status Messages

   Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your Mother

   A daughter asked her mother how to spell pinus, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.

   Are you butt dailing, cause I swear that a$$ is calling me

   I live with fear every day.....sometimes she lets me go fishing!

   You know the ZZ Top song, Sharp Dressed Man? I stop singing after "every girls crazy"

   Statistics Show That Criminals Commit Less Crime After They’ve Been Shot

   the Pope is in America with Obama and Hillary Clinton. if they don't walk into a bar, it's all for nothing!

   1 out of every 3 Obama supporters are as stupid as the other two

   With all the seriousness going on in the world, its imperative I let you know that a sex addict can always beat his addiction

   hates it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. For the fifth time, I do not want to go to your cat's birthday party, FREAK!...My dog is getting married

   The salesman claimed the shoes were made from alligator, but I knew it was a crock

   I broke my finger today, but on the other hand I'm completely fine

   You want to clone yourself? Now wouldn't that be just like you!

   When the farmer died, all his chickens were sold to the highest bidder. They would have preferred to stay on the farm, but auctions speak louder than birds.

   This world is getting so uptight!!... Buck Owens once had a tiger by the tail and nobody batted an eye!!

   Now that the Confederate Flag has been removed that will stop all of the hate and murders in this country

   BEWARE I bought the insanity workout series paid good money and I've watched it 5 times still haven't lost a pound. I'm gonna go get a BigMac and fries sit and watch it one more time! if I don't lose any weight I'm gonna take it back on the way to Dominos

   It just dawned on me why Mayberry was so peaceful and quit, cause nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass, The Darlins, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara. The only one married was Otis, and he stayed drunk!

   Sure, my glass is half full. But my beer is half empty

   I'm watching the same movie thats been on all week..."Complete Signal Loss"