JCGJ Funny Status Messages

   Ah, Easter. That lovely time of year that reminds you to take down the Christmas decorations.

   🎶 I got in one little fight and my mum got scared, 🎶 she said You can't slap Chris Rock because your wife has no hair.

   I miss the days when people’s biggest concern was Marilyn Manson.

   The “thank you wave”👋🏼 after letting someone merge their car in front of yours is the one thing holding this fragile society together.

   Does anyone know where I can get more Lite-Brite pegs?... I'm trying to finish my Will and Testament.

   Fun Fact: At the end of Titanic, when all the people are dying in the water, you can hear a faint, "Marco" and then an even fainter, "Polo."

   Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self-centered lives already in progress.

   Judge: "how do you plead?" Me: "your honor I plead oopsie daisies."

   🎶 ...No mask on your face You big disgrace Spreadin' your germs all over the place... 🎶

   I’m convinced that Nature Valley Crunchy Granola Bars are made by Dyson.

   I put in an URGENT REQUEST to Santa last night for a mirror so you can locate that STICK that's UP YOUR @$S and REMOVE IT!!

   To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I'm making my house into an Italian restaurant.

   Place aluminum foil in a paper shredder ... BOOM TINSEL !!

   What if... what if dogs love us so much because they know we're made of bones.

   All houses made out of wood are tree houses.

   Still waiting for Activision to come out with "Call of Duty" for Atari 2600

   “Catch me outside, how about that?

   Dear 2016, for the love of all that's holy... Please take Donald Trump too..

   Dear 2016, for the love of all that's holy... Please take Hillary too..

   Merry hammered people! I'm Christmas!