Hiyourjon Funny Status Messages

   Why "Trojan" condoms? Didn't the Trojan horse burst open & thousands of little guys poured out? Less than stellar marketing.

   No, YOU seem to be around whenever there's trouble, officer.

   It's Saturday night, which means I am higher than the national debt.

   The Obamacare website doesn't work, just like most of the people who voted for Obama.

   I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.

   "The Empire Strikes Back" is SO unrealistic... No WAY the black guy would ever admit to being the father.

   "I always try to go the extra mile for my customers." - new york's most hated cab driver

   It feels like Robert De Niro just walks onto random film sets and says "I'm in this now."

   The inventor of the snooze button has died. His funeral will take place tomorrow at 6:00, 6:09, 6:18, 6:27, and 6:36.

   Two yrs ago I weighed 296lbs. Today I weigh 293lbs. Hard work makes dreams come true, folks.

   Voting is like pressing the walk button at an intersection. It doesn't change anything, but if you wait long enough you'll get the white guy

   I was voted 'Most Paranoid' by my classmates at school. Although they never admitted it.

   Just read a report that said 86% of holy water tested had fecal matter in it. Holy shít!!

   Bravo to the Capitol police. Atleast someone in Washington is doing their job!!

   When life gives you melons you have dyslexia

   "Do you know why I pulled you over?" "No, officer." The cop removes his shades and looks to the horizon with teary eyes. "Neither do I."

   Pumped for the series finale of the U.S. government!

   It's Google's 15th birthday today. Typical fifteen year old. It's got an answer for everything.

   Why would canada discontinue pennies?? That country doesnt make cents

   Reads all the pro/anti Obamacare posts. Makes jerk-off motion. Sprains wrist. Files insurance claim.