Goodeolboy Funny Status Messages

   Kind of surprised the half time show wasn't performed by the Kottonmouth Kings.

   At this stage of the football season, all I care about is #s and food.

   If your significant other wont swallow the milk left over in a bowl of cereal, chances are that's not all they won't swallow.

   Don't make me choke you with this imaginary cell phone cord.

   There will soon come a time were I can not voice my OPINION by saying,"I HATE vile Brussels Sprouts!!" For fear of offending Farmers and the general population. So consider yourselves informed.

   Stop saying you have lake front property, that's a freakin' ponding basin.

   Just discovered: A cup of noodles consists of two noodles, a half mile long.

   My Supervisor is complaining that he's tired of eating chicken all the time, as I sit here eating a "chicken flavored" cup of noodles.

   Brrr, today is a good day to double-up on the underwear.

   Ten minutes left in the workday. This is where I use the restroom, and wash my hands for a long time.

   "Toats Mcgoats!!!!!"

   I think my pet bird just called me a murderer.

   After the first of the year, my healthcare plan will be a Band-Aid and a prayer.

   Not judging at all, but if you have a mullet in your commercial, you might want to update your advertising.

   On this night 30 years ago, I found out that wrecking on roller skates while wearing parachute pants was no bueno.

   there anything worse than being on vacation, and your copy of Enter The Dragon won't play because of a scraaaaatch????

   Ever have a dream you just want to write down so you can turn it into a movie? An island with dinosaurs, and a T-Rex. A T-REX!!!!!

   Attention burglars: We may or may not be home. Or maybe we are hunters, waiting for you to get closer for a kill shot

   Just once, I'd like to look at the ingredients of a bottled water and see the words "Sea Monkeys".

   It's universal, to point out old skool soda cans and chip bags during classic movies.