Gman Funny Status Messages

   Gatorade's motto is "Is it in you?" ... Coincidentally, that was also MY motto the first several times I tried to have sex

   Ooh, baby. Can you do that thing to me with your mouth? You know. Shut it and don't speak. Oh yeah. That's feels awesome.

   I only make a lot of spelling and grammar errors because I have type-o blood.

   After marriage, sloppy seconds means not licking the cake batter spoon first.

   I've been retracing my steps and now I have all these outlines of feet on my floor and still no keys.

   Been on hold so long I can't remember who I called. I have a credit card out and my pants off but that doesn't really narrow it down much.

   I haven't dated Miss Right yet, but I have dated Miss Guided, Miss Directed, Miss Conduct, Miss Fire, Miss Demeanor, & Miss Ellaneous.

   I like sleeping with deaf women because I can shout out any name I want to.

   I figured out a great way to pick up women. I painted my car to look like a taxi.

   First that jerk cut me off in traffic, then he stole my parking space, and then his stupid car got paint on my key!

   99 years ago today, the Titanic chose to hit an iceberg and sink rather than spend another day listening to Celine Dion.

   Love is like a brick. You can build a house, or you can sink a dead body.

   We had social networking when we were kids too... I think it was called "outside" back then though.

   If Obama really wanted to impress me, he'd somehow combine Missouri & Oregon to make a "Show me your beaver" state.

   In a new poll, 80% of Japanese women admit to having faked origami.

   I don't need no fancy pants book learnin' to know that xenophobia is the fear of warrior princesses.

   I'm not sure what this guy shaking a cup of change at people wants. He must just be bragging that he has change.

   Some women are born to greatness, some have it thrust into them.

   Considering I'm broke, I wonder if she'll let me be her sugar-free daddy.

   I read someone gets divorced every 10 to 13 seconds. I'm not one to judge people, but that guy gets married wayyy too much.