Fazzy Funny Status Messages

   This coming Wednesday, the groundhog's 6 week weather forecast will once again claim 100% accuracy while your local TV meteorologist's 5 day forecast will hover at its usual 1%.

   It's a contest to see which one can can outnumber the other: Covid variants or Rocky films.

   I went to confession. Things in my life have gotten way out of hand and I mean WAY out. For penance, the priest gave me 10 Hail Marys, 10 Act of Contritions, 10 Our Fathers and a Do It Yourself Crucifixion kit from IKEA.

   Never allow making a living to become such an obsession to where it prevents you from actually living.

   People up north whine way more about cold winters than we Floridians do about the hot summers. It may have something to do with feminine swimwear.

   Amy Schneider looks like the love child of Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble.

   You had me at hello. You lost me at your wearing a mask in your car pulling into my driveway.

   The After Christmas Diet: Breakfast: Leftover lasagna Lunch: Leftover lasagna Dinner: Leftover lasagna Dessert: Leftover lasagna Beverage: Fresh squeezed leftover lasagna

   Technology will cause our ultimate demise. After mankind destroys itself, the dawn of a new civilization will consist of its early inhabitants creating music by banging bones on logs and blowing their breath through hollow reeds.

   When you get to be my age, older women interested in younger men are no longer classified as Cougars. Especially in my case. They're more like Laughing Hyenas.

   Life and beer are very similar... chill for best results.

   As Facebook's rebranded itself as 'META', other entities will be following suit: Airlines: JETA Greece: FETA Prostitution: GETA Gambling: BETA Urologists: WETA Fisheries: NETA Animal Clinics: VETA Boob Jobs: TETA

   I tried watching a hockey game last night. I was bored, so I opted for a little more excitement. I switched over to the Fireplace Channel on Netflix.

   The latest dose of social media insanity comes to us via the TikTok inspired 'Slap A Teacher' Challenge. Good ol' TikTok... where never before has the Lowest Common Denominator been so well represented.

   The first time I ever removed my clothes in front of a woman, she smiled and said it reminded her of an old song. "I asked, "Let It All Hang Out?" She said, "No. The Itsy Bitsy Spider."

   Cruises: Floating Golden Corrals with drunk people.

   I was gonna cook alligator for dinner, but my stove is broken and all I have is a croc pot.

   What they need in Afghanistan is Larry the Kabul Guy. He'd git 'er done.

   I'm incredulous over the fact that changing the name and picture on a pancake box has yet to result in racial unity.

   If I gotta wait a half hour after eating before getting in the pool, let’s face it, I’m never getting in the pool.