Dude Funny Status Messages

   Mayweather hugged on Manny more during that fight then my dad did the whole time I was growing up.

   The only time your woman screams your nam ein bed is when you fart in your sleep.

   Exercise, eat right, get good sleep, take your vitamins...die anyway.

   You're doable, not dateable. Know your place.

   A man hits his wife with a car, whose fault is it? The mans, he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.

   When did comedian Ron White turn into an old lesbian?

   Q: What's more disgusting than a hicky on a hemorrhoid? A: The chick that put it there.

   It's the Holiday Season; clean your own spunk off her back.

   I just got bukkaked by a Krispy Kreme

   Ladies, if you ever get a big ego because a lot of guys want to get with you, just remember this, some guys have been known to get it on with farm animals.

   I love you, flushable baby wipes.

   What you call "camping", I call "aggresive waiting".

   When did old skanks become cougars?

   Does Joel Osteen give anyone else the creeps or is it just me?

   Arkansas is like a pretty bimbo who's a lousy lay. Nice to look at but not very stimulating.

   Ladies, if you're gonna catfish a dude, at least give him some head.

   Phil Robertson just learned the hard way that once you get sponsorships you can no longer express your opinion...unless your sponsors give you that opinion.

   If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.

   What I call morning wood, you're gonna call breakfast in bed.

   Honey, guys don't want to get with you because you're hot, they want to get with you because you're easy. Know the difference.