Danmanz Funny Status Messages

   You're born looking like your parents, but you'll die looking like your decisions.

   Nothing says Responsibility like a woman taking her birth control pill with a shot of Tequila.

   Considering their thousand-year old dirty little secret, I wonder if the Vatican gets Amber alerts?

   Due to the scare of Dec 21, 2012, my "Baby Boom" Prediction should be coming up right on schedule this month and in September.

   Men & Women view the world differently. Men view the world as it is, women view it by whatever they make up in their minds and expect men to figure it all out.

   Sean Hannity: "Do you have any regrets of specific actions you did on that February night?" George Zimmerman: "No...I feel that it was all God's plan and for me to second guess or judge it...No sir" Me: (facepalm)

   Edward Snowden: Provides evidence that the government is spying on us......Government charges him for spying...

   Congratulations Kanye for setting your daughter up to be teased with corny pickup lines all throughtout her school years. "Hey North West, wanna switch directions and go down on the "dirty south" with me?"

   Saying that athiests can't say "OMG" because they're godless is like saying theists can't say "common sense" because they lack it.

   If you're fearful about the government spying on you while you're online, hang out on Myspace. Nobody is going to spy on you there.

   Bill Clinton has been acting funny ever since Michael Douglas made that oral sex comment.

   So the government gave the order for Verizon to hand over phone records so we can help them track (cough-cough) "terrorists".........yeah ok.

   How about that shocking Game of Thrones ending last night?

   I swear they have a prescription drug for everything. "Hey...do you go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning? Then take this useless pill so you can die and the doctors & lawyers can take your family's money."....Nice evil scheme guys.

   Newton's 3rd Law of Emotion: For every male action, there is a female overreaction

   Why is it that the very people who are against abortion, pornography, and homosexuality are the very same people you wouldn't want to have sex with in the first place?

   There have been more collect calls in history on Father's Day than on any other day of the year.

   In Japan, the title "Jersey Shore" translates into "Macaroni Rascals"

   The foods that prison inmates eat are more nutritious than the food in school cafeterias......Just let that sink in for a bit.

   New Pick-Up Line for Guys: "Let's watch Scandal together."