Cj Funny Status Messages

   God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy.

   Try this: Get in a elevator with a bunch of strangers make sure you'r closest to the door,then turn and say, "I'm sure you'r all wondering why I gathered you here."

   Have you seen these gas prices?? I just filled up and it doubled the value of my car!!

   Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life:)

   Dear sweatpants and hoodies: thanks for being there for me. Sincerely, sexy and I know it, but too lazy to show it!!

   Why is it I can't get mobile reception sometimes, yet a terrorist can upload his videos from a cave in Afghanistan?

   Based on my wardrobe, dog hair is my favorite color:)

   My karma punch card is going to be full after today:)

   You should get out of any relationship where you secretly hope the other person is kidnapped and held for a ransom you can't pay.

   I hate when crumbs fall down your cleavage.....sometimes I think my boobs eat more than I do

   Why is it that melted cheese tastes like a zillion times better than regular cheese?

   I hate it when you look in a car window to fix ur hair.. after standing there for 5 minutes... you see someone in the car...

   You can't judge a book by it's cover...but you can judge milk by it's smell.

   You never realize what you have until it's gone...toilet paper is a prime example!

   Your face isn't a coloring book. Chill on the makeup!!

   The apple only falls where you leave it !

   Condoms Prevent Minivans!!

   I want to learn the Vietnamese language so I can sit here and understand the ladies doing pedicures. Between their tone and their giggles, I know they're talking Sh*t!!

   I lost a friend overnight, It was very sudden. There must be a reason, but I can't for the life of me think what it might be. Now they're gone. Yesterday I had 583 friends, now only 582 I hope everyone reads this far before they say "sorry for your loss"

   Rhinos are really just old, fat unicorns. Don't argue. you know i'm right.