Brodieking Funny Status Messages

   If any of you have gotten any weird texts from me recently, its because my phone is working fine and I'm just trying to make you feel uncomfortable.

   What if at the end of Breaking Bad they drop Bryan Cranston into witness protection and that becomes the beginning of Malcolm in the Middle?

   To all the Jehovas Witnesses: Happy 12:30am on a tuesday!!!

   No matter how old I get, I always know that I'll have to mentally sing my ABC's to know which letter comes next.

   After seeing the aftermath of the hurricane, we should change its name from Sandy to Watery.

   ♫♪♫ To the left, to the left. Laying on my side brings my nuts to the left ♫♪♫

   Oasis? Spice Girls? Fatboy Slim? I think the music director for the Olympics closing ceremony got ahold of my MP3 player from when I was in college 11 years ago.

   I bet Stevie Wonder's wife didn't see that divorce coming...

   I just read that Stevie Wonder is filing for divorce. Talk about getting blindsided!

   I just read that Stevie Wonder is filing for divorce. I guess in the end, they just didnt share the same views!

   This just in: The next upcoming New Years Rockin' Eve is to be hosted by a Hologram of Dick Clark.

   Yo Hologram Tupac, I'm real happy for you and I'ma let you finish but Obi-Wan Kenobi was one of the best holograms of all time!

   Michael Bay is changing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles into aliens?! Doesnt that make them Teenage Alien Intergalactic Ninja Turtles, then? (TAINT)

   While I do plan on checking out Malcom X for Black History Month, I am having a real hard time finding Volumes I-IX first.

   If I hear Jennifer Hudson sing "I am you, you are me...If you want it you got it..." Then I'm going to start expecting her Weight Watchers endorsement checks.

   I now know that asking "How 'bout those Packers" gets you a different response from gay men verses the straight ones.

   This Friday the 13th instead of Jason popping out of nowhere to kill us, Jennifer Hudson will sing about how much weight shes lost until we commit suicide.

   One time I was in a car giving directions to a gay driver. Things got awkward when I told him to go straight.

   So I hear Sandusky's Santa application has been rejected...

   Sorry to say, but if you're celebrating Veterans Day by calling into work so you can stay home and play Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3, then you're doing it wrong.