love Funny Status Messages

   You gotta love these women on Facebook that never ♥️ your posts because they're married. Meanwhile, their husbands are flirting with anything that has 2 holes and a heartbeat.

   Don't expect any New Years resolution from me. I intend on staying the same awkward, outspoken delight you have all come to know and love.

   Thanksgiving: Being thankful for what you have and those you love. Black Friday: Trampling those you love to save 15% on something you don't have. Cyber Monday: "Hey, babe. Sorry I killed your dad Friday. Here's an iTunes gift card to ease the pain

   Kamala Harris quote: "Who doesn't love a yellow school bus? Can you raise your hand if you love a yellow school bus? Many of us went to school on a yellow school bus, right? I remember them now, all yellow and everything."

   I love it when people get mad and speed past me, only to end up at the same red light.

   Kissing someone while they are asleep is one of the purest displays of love...unless you're in prison.

   Marriage tip: Your wife values honesty. So if your wife asks you if her best friend is prettier than her, just say yes. Your wife will value and appreciate your opinion, and she will love you more for it.

   I've got people who love me because I'm me. I've got people who hate me for the same reason!

   Ladies. Does listening to Taylor Swift songs actually help you deal with your tragic love lives?

   I love Instagram... or as it should be called, "Insecure Bimbos With Daddy Issues and No Self-Respect."

   Someone said: "what night is the dnc swimsuit comp?" I concur. Would love to see AOC in a swimsuit and ball gag. 🤣

   I love my women like I love my Ikea furniture, cheap and missing a couple screws

   Marriage tip: If you're getting ready to go out in public with your wife, ask her, "Would you please put on some makeup?" This will help her understand that you are concerned with her appearance, and she will love you more for it.

   I used to have a crush on Ana Kournikova but love means nothing to her

   The Trisha Yearwood hit song , She's in love with the boy has been renamed He, she , it , they is in love with the He, she , it , they.

   I love the three little pigs; Bacon, Ham, and Sausage!

   Marriage tip: When you're away from your wife for a night, ignore all of her phone calls. This will cause her to miss you more while you're gone so that she'll love you more when you're home.

   Marriage tip: Your wife values honesty. So if your wife asks you if her best friend is prettier than her, just say "yes". Your wife will value and appreciate your opinion, and she will love you more for it.

   I Love it when my pets sigh, like whats ails you my little freeloader 😄

   If you're alone on Valentine's Day it's okay as you can love yourself enough do something nice for yourself like go out and buy your own candy and flowers, and trust me you're totally worth it!! Especially tomorrow at 80% off.