Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Did you develop your personality in a car crash?

   What doesn’t kill you disappoints the rest of us.

   You could have been an extra in Chernobyl.

   Just saw your picture on social media, and you look like a “before” picture.

   Don’t worry, someday the other one will drop.

   You do you. Because God knows no one else will.

   Pickleball. As if tennis wasn't g@y enough already.

   come on guys, off my back, I posted some funny ones this time. Gary K.

   Don’t trust people who avoid the sun. They’re shady.

   i like the idea of shutting up but sorry that’s not for me-Gary K.

   I am not fat....Love for food has made me a nutritional overachiever.

   .Its Better to lose a lover THAN love a loser

   A new study found that about one percent of the U.S. population is allergic to gluten, while the other 99 percent are sick of having to hear about it.

   3 things I will never understand: 1. The meaning of life. 2. The universe. 3. How Spongebob & Patrick made those sounds effects in that box.

   I’m taking my box of wine back and filing a complaint. It said once opened it would last 6 weeks, but it was gone after 3 hrs.

   If you want to know who GaryKoenig really is, go back to page 1 and there you'll find him. Same lame.

   You can tell It's a Chink even when they wear sunglasses.

   You give up or are you thirsty for more?

   This guy's family tree doesn't have enough branches.

   The closest this guy will come to a brainstorm is a light drizzle.