Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1935 of 6446

Canadian Whiskey is just like regular whiskey except it apologizes for your hangover in the morning
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05-26-2014 14:55 by Baddie
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Priest: Kim, do you take Kanye to be your lawfully wedded husband to love and cherish? Kim: I.. *Kanye grabs mic* Kanye: She do
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05-26-2014 14:48
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Call me a hoarder if you want but don't come crying to me when you need a 3 foot tall stack of mayonnaise jar labels.
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05-26-2014 14:33
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My biggest regret in life is missing you..., When I backed up
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05-26-2014 13:43
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It's conceivable that a gynecologist could triple his client base just by developing Parkinson's
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05-26-2014 13:37
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Do you think anyone would be offended if I added them to my "Masturbated To" list? Asking for a friend.
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05-26-2014 13:36 by Baddie
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Maybe Mondays are not that bad. Maybe its your job that sucks balls.
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05-26-2014 13:29
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Happy Memorial Day to all. Even the 90% of Americans who don't know the difference between today and Veteran's day.
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05-26-2014 12:30
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I don’t know how Godzilla doesn’t hurt himself. I once had to go to the emergency room after stepping on a Lego piece.
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05-26-2014 11:48
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My life would be so much easier if I wasn’t intelligent enough to realize how freaking stupid some people are.
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05-26-2014 11:47
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The lifeguard kicked me out of the swimming pool this morning for peeing in the water. I said, why are you picking on me? everybody else does it ? he said yeah, but not from the diving board you d*ck head.
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05-26-2014 11:46
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Does Joel Osteen give anyone else the creeps or is it just me?
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05-26-2014 11:42 by Dude
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"I'll drink to that." - Me, to pretty much everything.
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05-26-2014 10:42
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Memorial Day is the day where we spend time with our loved ones, who are sometimes a pain to live with, to remember our loved ones who are painful to live without.
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05-26-2014 07:43 by Jiffy Pop
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My favourite yoga position is your legs on my shoulders.
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05-26-2014 07:29
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Fellas; There is no need to have a Facebook war. There are enough women to go around on Facebook for you to have a fake relationship with.
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05-26-2014 05:03 by Czovczov
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I tested positive for Facebook.
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05-26-2014 05:01
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Craving margaritas is an emotion, right?
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05-26-2014 05:01
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Bet you didn't know that before leaving the factory every Tickle Me Elmo doll receives two test tickles.
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05-25-2014 21:41
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If I could only bottle this feeling I'm feeling right now, then the world would be able to experience my slightly annoyed indifference!