Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Canadian Whiskey is just like regular whiskey except it apologizes for your hangover in the morning
←Rate | 05-26-2014 14:55 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Priest: Kim, do you take Kanye to be your lawfully wedded husband to love and cherish? Kim: I.. *Kanye grabs mic* Kanye: She do
←Rate | 05-26-2014 14:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Call me a hoarder if you want but don't come crying to me when you need a 3 foot tall stack of mayonnaise jar labels.
←Rate | 05-26-2014 14:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My biggest regret in life is missing you..., When I backed up
←Rate | 05-26-2014 13:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's conceivable that a gynecologist could triple his client base just by developing Parkinson's
←Rate | 05-26-2014 13:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you think anyone would be offended if I added them to my "Masturbated To" list? Asking for a friend.
←Rate | 05-26-2014 13:36 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe Mondays are not that bad. Maybe its your job that sucks balls.
←Rate | 05-26-2014 13:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Memorial Day to all. Even the 90% of Americans who don't know the difference between today and Veteran's day.
←Rate | 05-26-2014 12:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t know how Godzilla doesn’t hurt himself. I once had to go to the emergency room after stepping on a Lego piece.
←Rate | 05-26-2014 11:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My life would be so much easier if I wasn’t intelligent enough to realize how freaking stupid some people are.
←Rate | 05-26-2014 11:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The lifeguard kicked me out of the swimming pool this morning for peeing in the water. I said, why are you picking on me? everybody else does it ? he said yeah, but not from the diving board you d*ck head.
←Rate | 05-26-2014 11:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does Joel Osteen give anyone else the creeps or is it just me?
←Rate | 05-26-2014 11:42 by Dude Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I'll drink to that." - Me, to pretty much everything.
←Rate | 05-26-2014 10:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Memorial Day is the day where we spend time with our loved ones, who are sometimes a pain to live with, to remember our loved ones who are painful to live without.
←Rate | 05-26-2014 07:43 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favourite yoga position is your legs on my shoulders.
←Rate | 05-26-2014 07:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fellas; There is no need to have a Facebook war. There are enough women to go around on Facebook for you to have a fake relationship with.
←Rate | 05-26-2014 05:03 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon I tested positive for Facebook.
←Rate | 05-26-2014 05:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Craving margaritas is an emotion, right?
←Rate | 05-26-2014 05:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bet you didn't know that before leaving the factory every Tickle Me Elmo doll receives two test tickles.
←Rate | 05-25-2014 21:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I could only bottle this feeling I'm feeling right now, then the world would be able to experience my slightly annoyed indifference!
←Rate | 05-25-2014 18:39 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  




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