Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Know what's sexy? Not waking me up.
←Rate | 06-06-2014 12:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon On your deathbed tell everyone "pray for me" thenmake sure to leave a note to be opened after youdie that says "pray harder next time."
←Rate | 06-06-2014 12:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate the fact I can't slam the door on my cubicle.
←Rate | 06-06-2014 12:12 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm time zone intolerant...
←Rate | 06-06-2014 12:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Irony: The Vatican owns enough treasures that could end world poverty. Twice.
←Rate | 06-06-2014 11:53 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Too bad NY was wasted on New Yorkers
←Rate | 06-06-2014 10:11 by JCW Comments (1)  


   messageicon So, the AC went out in game 1 of the NBA Finals. Spurs won. I guess The Heat couldn't take the heat.
←Rate | 06-06-2014 10:00 by Michael F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Canadian bacon is just bacon with good healthcare and a strong sense of national pride.
←Rate | 06-06-2014 09:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire?
←Rate | 06-06-2014 09:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. But keep your bacon far away from me or I will eat it. This is your last warning.
←Rate | 06-06-2014 09:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I woke up and I couldn't walk at 1st so I thought I had really bad cramps but then I realized I was just Lebroning!
←Rate | 06-06-2014 08:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm wondering what we can trade Obama for ???
←Rate | 06-06-2014 08:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My safe word is "more".
←Rate | 06-06-2014 08:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon LeBron James needs to sign with a WNBA team where its okay to puss out of a game because of cramps.
←Rate | 06-06-2014 08:21 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do a dramatic removal
←Rate | 06-06-2014 05:26 by Huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why can't Stevie wonder see his friends?... Cause he's married!!
←Rate | 06-06-2014 04:45 by Denis Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster!
←Rate | 06-05-2014 23:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Multi billion dollar nba can't fix the damm AC in time for the finals.....serious!
←Rate | 06-05-2014 22:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are two things I cannot stand: Racism and Justin Bieber.
←Rate | 06-05-2014 19:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to the study that I never have done, alcohol consumption by stay at home Mom's goes up 500% when school gets let out for the summer.
←Rate | 06-05-2014 19:32 Comments (0)  




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