bego Funny Status Messages

   Every weekend I participate in a liquid cleanse diet... with beer.

   People say weed smokers are lazy. Well guess what as*holes, the blunt doesn't pass it self. And it sure isn't rolling it self.

   If I catch my Daughter making a Twerk video with her Leapfrog video camera, imma Beat my DNA out of her!

   f I show you a picture on my phone, don’t swipe left, don’t swipe right. Just look.

   B&tch, why the fu&k you coming over if you on your period? Save your gas!

   Friday Night Pick Up Line: Either stop being so attractive or make out with me, it is your choice.

   I think its soo cool when your EX becomes an XXL

   f by “Hold” you mean take a moment to reflect on your poor customer service and how I should take my business elsewhere? Then yes, I’ll hold.

   A moment of silence for all the brave coffee beans that gave their lives, so millions of people can get through another day.

   Dear coworkers, please understand that my headphones on are the international sign for "leave me the hell alone."

   Women spend too much money on stuff to look pretty...save your cash, buy him beer.

   Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color 8.

   I bet our entire universe is just in a tiny glass jar placed neatly on a shelf in an alien child's room as a science project he got a C- on

   *Texts girlfriend* Wats up baby!!! ;) *Doesn't reply for 5 hours* BI&CH YOU BETTER BE WRITING ME A FUC&ING BOOK!

   Not sure if my dog is barking for no reason or I'm about to be murdered.

   Men who don’t understand women fall into two categories: Bachelors and Husbands.

   If you don't use your partner as a hand and foot warmer, you're not in a real relationship

   "Pay attention to me when I'm ignoring you" -women

   "Just because you can't dance, doesn't mean you shouldn't dance" -Alcohol

   Bi&ches take pictures with bra and panties and post it for a million strangers to see. Then say they wifey material, no bi&ch you strip club material..