LEMONPILLOW Funny Status Messages

   If genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration,i wind up sharing elevators with a lot of bright people.

   Friends are like computers : they enter into your life,saves you in their heart,formats your problems & never deletes you from their memory.

   I have no sense of proportion. Which causes me big problems. Or small ones. I'm not sure

   Don't think of it as thousands of dollars of your hard-earned money. Think of it as a toilet seat for the Pentagon.

   With all the farm building and mafia hits, no wonder you don't have time to find a job.

   If anybody steals my identity, at least I'll know who to look for.

   It's been announced that Nigeria has 22,980,000 internet users. I've received emails from every single one.

   If George Washington never told a lie...then how did he get elected?

   If you believe the competitive spirit in America is dead, you haven't been in the supermarket when the cashier opens another checkout line.

   Sometimes "dressing for the job you want" is referred to as "impersonating an officer".

   If there's one thing I like to rock,it's casbahs.

   We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colours. But they all have to learn to live in the same box.

   In a nudist camp, men and women freely air their differences.

   The two kinds of people at every party are those who want to go home and those who don't. Trouble is, they're usually married to each other.

   NASCAR Driver Education: "Turn left. Turn left. Turn left. Turn left. Repeat."

   I hate it when I run out of Staples. And so do their security guards.

   Due to an "incident",my Mafia family is entering into a Witness Protection program in a Farmville,a few accounts away.

   ..doesn't understand people who say "by now.." As in "by now you should have children,.by now you should be married..by now you should.." Sorry but if "by now" i'll "pay later".

   When I say I drive like lightning,it's not because I drive fast. It's because I hit a lot of trees.

   I'm having trouble sleeping. I guess i'd better get up from under my desk and get some work done.