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Alcohol, because depression doesn't take a day off.
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06-30-2014 15:12
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I have a life outside the internet. But not on purpose.
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06-30-2014 14:59
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How much for the torture device? Sir, that's a wedding ring.
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06-30-2014 14:31 by
Baddie
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I'm white but not "I know who my state senator is", white.
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06-30-2014 14:22 by
Czovczov
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Sorry I roasted marshmallows over your meltdown.
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06-30-2014 14:20 by
Baddie
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Love is being willing to die for someone that you want to disfigure with acid, decapitate, and send through a wood chipper on a daily basis.
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06-30-2014 14:19
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You're like the warm beer of people.
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06-30-2014 14:14
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I accidentally touched my wife's boob and she didn't recoil in disgust so things are looking up.
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06-30-2014 14:09
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Posted 14 hours ago Walked by a child clutching a stuffed animal. The kid made the stuffed animal's paw wave at me & now I'm finding it hard to hate everything.
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06-30-2014 13:03
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If someone gossips to you, you can bet they also gossip about you...
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06-30-2014 12:46
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For very action there is an equal and opposite government program.
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06-30-2014 12:36
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Obama is now googling "Can an executive order override Supreme Court?"
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06-30-2014 12:25
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The thing's you think of when its 1:30 in the morning What if carpet grew like grass and every once in a while you would have to mow the lounge room
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06-30-2014 11:38
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DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.
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06-30-2014 11:29 by
Daheavy1
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Stop acting like you don't care. I'm starting to believe you.
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06-30-2014 09:59
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What doesn't kill me makes my wife go back to the drawing board and try just a little harder the next time.
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06-30-2014 09:54 by
Baddie
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POLICE: POLICE! OPEN UP! ME: My parents never loved me. POLICE: NOT EMOTIONALLY! OPEN THE DOOR! ME: That makes way more sense.
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06-30-2014 09:48
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Best worm parent advice... Try to sleep in kids.
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06-30-2014 09:30 by
@gnarleycharley
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It's time once again for Americans to celebrate our independence by combining explosives and large amounts of alcohol.
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06-30-2014 08:36
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Life's a piano and I'm playing it wearing boxing gloves.
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06-30-2014 02:24
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