Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 1890 of 6446

   messageicon Alcohol, because depression doesn't take a day off.
←Rate | 06-30-2014 15:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a life outside the internet. But not on purpose.
←Rate | 06-30-2014 14:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How much for the torture device? Sir, that's a wedding ring.
←Rate | 06-30-2014 14:31 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm white but not "I know who my state senator is", white.
←Rate | 06-30-2014 14:22 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry I roasted marshmallows over your meltdown.
←Rate | 06-30-2014 14:20 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Love is being willing to die for someone that you want to disfigure with acid, decapitate, and send through a wood chipper on a daily basis.
←Rate | 06-30-2014 14:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You're like the warm beer of people.
←Rate | 06-30-2014 14:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I accidentally touched my wife's boob and she didn't recoil in disgust so things are looking up.
←Rate | 06-30-2014 14:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Posted 14 hours ago Walked by a child clutching a stuffed animal. The kid made the stuffed animal's paw wave at me & now I'm finding it hard to hate everything.
←Rate | 06-30-2014 13:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If someone gossips to you, you can bet they also gossip about you...
←Rate | 06-30-2014 12:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For very action there is an equal and opposite government program.
←Rate | 06-30-2014 12:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Obama is now googling "Can an executive order override Supreme Court?"
←Rate | 06-30-2014 12:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The thing's you think of when its 1:30 in the morning What if carpet grew like grass and every once in a while you would have to mow the lounge room
←Rate | 06-30-2014 11:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.
←Rate | 06-30-2014 11:29 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stop acting like you don't care. I'm starting to believe you.
←Rate | 06-30-2014 09:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What doesn't kill me makes my wife go back to the drawing board and try just a little harder the next time.
←Rate | 06-30-2014 09:54 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon POLICE: POLICE! OPEN UP! ME: My parents never loved me. POLICE: NOT EMOTIONALLY! OPEN THE DOOR! ME: That makes way more sense.
←Rate | 06-30-2014 09:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Best worm parent advice... Try to sleep in kids.
←Rate | 06-30-2014 09:30 by @gnarleycharley Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's time once again for Americans to celebrate our independence by combining explosives and large amounts of alcohol.
←Rate | 06-30-2014 08:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life's a piano and I'm playing it wearing boxing gloves.
←Rate | 06-30-2014 02:24 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left