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Happy Triskaidekaphobia Day!!! and a full moon to add to it
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06-13-2014 09:00 by
Pigpen1961
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World Cup Soccer? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I'd go watch some of my single friends at the bar.
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06-13-2014 08:26 by
5\'11 200 lbs and ugly
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I Woke up so excited this morning when I saw World Cup listed on my Tv .Imagine my dissapointment when I found out it was soccer and not quidditch.
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06-13-2014 08:23
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Friday the 13th would be a lot more frightening if Jason chased you down in a big SUV and made you pay to fill it up with gas.
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06-13-2014 07:22
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Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
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06-13-2014 05:38 by
Huck
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Do you ever start writing a status and halfway through you’re just like “nah”
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06-13-2014 05:36 by
flinnie
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Blind Date Tip: In the middle of dinner throw a surprise punch to see if they are really blind
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06-13-2014 01:50
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Did you know you can just buy live lobsters? Anyway can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters
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06-13-2014 01:48
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Can't afford a cat? Duct tape 3 squirrels together, next question
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06-13-2014 01:40
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A speed bump but made out of my ex.
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06-13-2014 01:40 by
Baddie
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Yes today is the first full moon on a Friday the 13th in 14 years. The next will be October 13, 2049...blah blah blah #STFU
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06-13-2014 01:32
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Name your pet python Strangles cause its fun to to say "Oh that's just Strangles being Strangles" when he's strangling stuff
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06-13-2014 01:21
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I've even started lying about my age on the treadmill at the gym.
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06-13-2014 01:20
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Not now, I'm busy bringing shame to my family on the internet.
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06-13-2014 01:19 by
Baddie
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Thought I wanted love. Turns out I just want a tattoo.
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06-13-2014 01:18
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The clowns I hire always seem surprised to find I'm the only party guest.
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06-13-2014 01:16
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"Omg, what a cute baby. He's adorable. Makes me want...oh never mind he's crying now bye"
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06-13-2014 01:12
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Have you tried wrapping your feelings in a tortilla?
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06-13-2014 01:09 by
Baddie
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I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy's house, with a gas can and a lighter because he didn't respond to my text.
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06-13-2014 01:08
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I pretend my bruises are sex bruises instead of I tripped over my cat while trying a new dance move bruises.
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06-13-2014 01:05
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