Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1836 of 6386
Do you even realize I have zeros and zeros of women lining up to get with this?
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06-25-2014 14:27 by Baddie
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Merry Half-Christmas! Enjoy the holiday, everyone.....
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06-25-2014 14:05 by sully
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My band is so indie we don't even record together. You have to buy 4 separate cds and play them at the same time.
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06-25-2014 11:17 by snotty
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*cooking omelette for wife..... Me: “Want extra cheese, babe?”...Wife: “Sure baby”... * Slowly turns up Nickleback cd...
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06-25-2014 11:14 by snotty
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Self esteem so low, you crop yourself out of your selfie.
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06-25-2014 09:57
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Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?... Me: No Sir. I thought sure you would know.
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06-25-2014 09:42
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Sure, soccer is the worst thing ever but at least when some smug idiot tries to tell you "it's football" you can punch him without remorse.
Texting is a great way to miscommunicate how you feel, and misinterpret what other people mean
If she spits on the hotdog before she eats the hotdog, she's a keeper.
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06-25-2014 01:38
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I thought 'Pokemon' was a Jamaican P0rn... My bad...
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06-25-2014 01:16
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I wonder if Eric Clapton really thought she looked Wonderful or was it just the 20th outfit she'd tried & he just wanted to get to the party
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06-25-2014 01:14
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Should you even have to say the words "don't touch the dog's butthole" to your child?
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06-25-2014 01:12 by Baddie
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Should I go over and talk to her? Go over there dude. A pregnant woman should never drink alone.
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06-25-2014 01:06 by Baddie
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I am a very very very bad influence In a good way.
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06-25-2014 01:06
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Diamonds are not a girls best friend, it's anything that vibrates.
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06-25-2014 01:04
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I think, therefore I drink.
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06-25-2014 01:03
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i'll make better mistakes tomorrow
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06-25-2014 00:58
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I'm not mature enough to be in a yoga class.
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06-25-2014 00:57 by Baddie
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Sometimes I wish I could tame a high-level frost dragon and keep him as a pet. Other times I wish I had a girlfriend.
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06-25-2014 00:55 by Baddie
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"You make me a better person" - Me talking to my beer!
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06-24-2014 21:31 by Jitney
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