Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1831 of 6446

I nominate Stephen Hawkings for the ice bucket challenge.
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08-27-2014 05:52
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When all else fails, go nude.
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08-27-2014 05:30
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Very nervous to use the bathroom because I ate twenty-five sticks of gum exactly 7 years ago tonight

I have to be careful. I have an image to protect. You know, the one where I appear to be listening to what you say.
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08-27-2014 01:31
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When someone you hate gets shot: Omg is the bullet ok?
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08-27-2014 00:49
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Why is it that when you finally make something idiot-proof along comes a better idiot?
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08-26-2014 19:35
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I just passed the local college andsaw 3 very fit young ladies with very tight yoga pants walking to class...I have never been so motivated to return to college in all of my life.
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08-26-2014 16:44
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Bigger isn't always better. Thighs, for example.
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08-26-2014 16:16
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I’m going to rename my wifi network to “Surveillance Van #02?. That should keep the neighbors on their toes for a while.
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08-26-2014 16:11
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You pay more attention to the TV than you do me! - Ma'am, do you want me to fix your cable or not?
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08-26-2014 16:11
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I am wondering if all of the pot seized by police in other states can be sold to the stoners in Colorado and Washington?
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08-26-2014 16:00
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It's true, opposites attract. My wife gets up early and does stuff.
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08-26-2014 14:21 by Steve OH
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I wonder who the first person to see a pig lying in it's own poo and say "I bet that is the tastiest animal on the planet."
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08-26-2014 11:58
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I'm trying to live healthier......but I'm considering taking up cigars, since they're still the coolest way to light dynamite fuses.
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08-26-2014 11:39
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Burger King has accepted the Tax Duck-it Challenge. They have no challenged Yum Brands, Panera Bread, and White Castle. You have 24 hours or you will have to donate $8 billion to Obama's Economic Patriotism initiative.
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08-26-2014 09:22 by Michael
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I went to the zoo to see if we really are related to monkeys, and one of them threw poo at me. That’s my cousin jim bob alright
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08-26-2014 08:52 by Barber
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Never the trendsetter his cousin Davy was, explorer Stevie Crockett failed in his attempt to popularize the skunkskin cap
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08-26-2014 08:45
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If people say you're acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you're totally nailin' it.

Obviously the movie "the good wife" is not based on a true story. It's fiction people.
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08-25-2014 21:27
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I will accept drink a case of beer challenge. . .
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08-25-2014 19:56 by JAB
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