g0re Funny Status Messages

   They say that if a guy has big feet it means that he has a big pen!s. That just makes the thought of being raped by clowns even scarier.

   Excuse me, teenage girl? You're not"cool and outspoken" when you go up to random people and say things like,"I hate your haircut," or "Your style is bad," You're a b!tch who deliberately hurts people's feelings in an attempt to get attention.

   Welcome to America:You can be the valedictorian of your class, go to college, get a Doctorate's Degree, get a really good job, and you're still not going to make as much each year as Snooki.

   Its strange to think that decades from now, people might be dressing like US for Halloween, like they do for flappers, or hippies.

   If two girls wear the same costume for Halloween, they are officially enemies for the day.

   It looks like your supermarket is dressing up as Christmas for Halloween.

   Saying, "Comment and like the pic please!" on Facebook is no different than saying, "Please make my self- esteem go up"

   There is always this person on Facebook who thinks he/she can teach you the meaning of life in a two sentence status and you're like'Deep, real deep''.

   Ok, I get it. You want to talk to me! But that doesn't mean that you have to send me 4 texts 8 missed calls, a facebook chat, and a facebook message. I wil respond eventually to one simple text. Go buy some patience on E-bay.

   How many teenage girls does it take to change a lightbulb? Eleven: one to change the lightbulb and ten to each take 200 photos of the event for facebook, clog up your news feed, and later on edit the pictures to black and white.

   A dislike button on facebook would be cool at first, but it would eventually just cause a lot of controversy and drama. Especially if you could dislike peoples entire profiles. That would not go well..

   We all have that one facebook friend that acts like it's their job to keep everyone updated on the weather, current events, and other meaningless sh!t with their status.

   My son just spoke his first words to me: 'Dad, where the f**k have you been the last 20 years?!' It was so cute.

   It would be awesome to go back to kindergarten as a 5 year old with all the knowledge you currently have and completely dominate.

   2013: The year the movie 2012 will be moved from the action section to comedy.

   Elementary math problems are weird."'I had 10 chocolate bars and ate 9 What do I have now?'" Oh, I don't know, DIABETES MAYBE."

   The 5 biggest lies ever told: "I'm fine","Seriously, I don't like anyone", "I swear that was my last piece of gum","I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions", and "I left my homework at home, I swear I did it!"

   We all have that face when we try to look happy when we open a birthday card with no money.

   It sucks when you walk into a room, and you can't remember what you went in there for, so then you leave, then a few minutes later you remember that you're a fireman, and a bunch of people just died.

   It's awkward when a sentence doesn't end the way you octopus.