bego Funny Status Messages

   A lie everyone tells = “Hey! I just got your text!”

   Attractive person: Hey whats up? Me: Who paid you

   Every time you speak, I feel my brain cells committing suicide one by one.

   i don’t understand why people need to do drugs or party in order to have fun, have you tried mac n cheese

   "Everyone’s middle name should be, motherfu%kin ...try it doesnt it sound so great"

   How are girls hard to understand? We like Taco Bell, Starbucks, cuddling, compliments, naps, disney movies, yoga pants,and shopping

   Hmm 666 6+6+6=18 18.... Obama was once 18... Very scary not sure what this information means brought to you by Fox News.

   Why yes, I will be getting drunk tonight! Thanks for asking!

   The problem with you is that you damn exist.

   Fact: Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.

   Whoever said “he’s only a dog” obviously never owned a dog.

   I believe in love at first sight because… I’ve loved my mum since I opened my eyes!

   The easiest way to distract a woman is to show her a picture of herself.

   6 am: tired 9 am: tired 11 am: tired 3 pm: tired 5 pm: tired 7 pm: tired 9 pm: tired bed time: ENNNNEERRGGYY

   When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”. Problem solved.

   Who invented hugs? I mean..the first hug would have been soo awkward. its like"what are you doin, why are you holding me???" "shhh just trust me"

   I see Girls trying to break up with their boyfriends now cause the weather changing

   By "lol" I mean I don't give a fu&k.

   I just burned 600 Calories working out to these Insanity Commercials.. I don't even need to buy the DVD's.

   It's Friday for me and Monday for my liver.