SEAN Funny Status Messages

   When I see a guy standing alone in front of a movie theater, I just want to go up to him and say "She told me to tell you she's not coming."

   The mirrors in my house have been pretty sarcastic lately.

   Why isnt there any black friday deals at the liquir store....

   My favorite Black Friday tradition is watching the day's Walmart tramplings on the evening news.

   The Dukes of Hazzard was the best show ever, General Lee speaking

   The sign at this Burger King bathroom says employees must wash hands. I've been waiting for them to come wash my hands for an hour. Nothing.

   Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.

   Trying to improve my street cred by lowering our minivan a couple inches.

   I went horseback riding yesterday, it was awesome feeling the wind in my hair...... Till the K-mart manager came out and said I had to leave...jerks!

   Let's leave Florida out of it next time. They've got enough on their plate, no need to burden them with national concerns.

   Why no, stranger, I CAN'T believe how early it gets dark now despite the fact this phenomena has occurred every single year of my existence.

   Regardless of the results of today's election, I think we can all agree Ann Coulter will say something really stupid about it.

   My fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that I lied about on my drivers license.

   Got into an argument with the ex-wife the other day over her boyfriend helping my son with his 1st grade reading assignment when he was visiting them. I told her I thought my sons reading assignment was beyond her boyfriends comprehension……………â

   When I voted I wrote Abraham Lincoln in for president and Bill Clinton in for Vice President , Because 2 things this country has Too much of is vampires and ho'z !!

   If you've never tried to use "the force" to get a an out-of-reach remote control, you're probably not as lazy as me.

   Today's kids play TSA agent instead of doctor.

   Fact: 82% of men that announce they are in the "Hiz-ouse" reside in their mom's "Biz-asement."

   My ex-step mom was so lazy I bought a black Snuggie for funerals.

   There should be a store for women in their 40's who try to dress like their children called Forever Inappropriate.