Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1721 of 6446

My goal for 2015 is to accomplish the goals of 2014 which I should have done in 2013 because I made a promise in 2012 which I planned on keeping back in 2011

Taken 27 coming to theaters in January 2029.
←Rate |
12-27-2014 17:57 by indy dave
Comments (0)

The average person has sex 89 times a year. Who needs help being better than just average?
←Rate |
12-27-2014 13:03 by Jeffafa
Comments (0)

Trying out a new diet. It's called "hungry as fcuk all the time."
←Rate |
12-27-2014 11:36
Comments (0)

No, I don't have tourette syndrome..I was just telling you what I think of you.
←Rate |
12-27-2014 09:53 by M
Comments (0)

5 "Lets all put our phones down and talk with each other.." - Someone who has run out of phone battery.

Have you ever noticed that the most dangerous thing about weed is getting caught with it?
←Rate |
12-27-2014 08:34
Comments (0)

You like flowers, we DON'T! We are happy to buy it for you. Don't make us like flowers.

Please accept that there are inherent differences b/w M & W. Otherwise we would just be called MEN! OR JUST WOMEN. You are better at somethings & we r better at other things. Accept nature & let it be
←Rate |
12-27-2014 08:28
Comments (0)

Feminist alright: but excluding opening doors, paying the bill, fight a bully, move furniture, ladies first. If those things aren't done prepare for "oh chivalry is dead & wow, such an Ae-hol!" continued.

Just tried to check my Farmville for the first time in 2 years, apparently I forgot to pay my taxes and the IRS owns it now.
←Rate |
12-27-2014 08:21 by styles
Comments (0)

FACT: Jargon is lingo for slang
←Rate |
12-27-2014 07:55
Comments (0)

It's time for all of us to admit the "endorphin rush" you get after exercise is just an overwhelming sense of relief it's over
←Rate |
12-27-2014 07:54 by flinnie
Comments (0)

Reading new book: Brunos are from Mars, Freddies are from Mercury
←Rate |
12-27-2014 07:48
Comments (0)

Everyone hates planes babies are just honest about it
←Rate |
12-27-2014 07:46 by flinnie
Comments (0)

Knock on your neighbors door and ask if they've seen your cat. When they say no pull your cat out of your pocket and make introductions
←Rate |
12-27-2014 07:37 by huck
Comments (0)

if I was a cab driver I'd yell "ROAD TRIP" every time I got a passenger
←Rate |
12-27-2014 07:33 by flinnie
Comments (0)

Dear New Year New Me People; You don't have to wait for the New Year to get your sh*t together and become a better person.

my life is like Jurassic Park but with no dinosaurs, just the part about a fat guy who resents his employer

my anaconda wants what the heart can't have