Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1712 of 6384
I was just reading, 3 Steps to Repair Your Metabolism. My three steps are. Get a beer, open beer and drink said beer. . .
←Rate |
11-02-2014 09:06 by JAB
Comments (0)
It's only November 2nd and I'm already seeing Halloween decorations
←Rate |
11-02-2014 08:09 by huck
Comments (0)
Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, the chicken was somewhere between 7' to 10' tall.
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
←Rate |
11-02-2014 06:41
Comments (0)
X says Falling in love is like jumping off a very tall building. Your brain tells you - it's not damn a good idea, while your heart tells you - you can fly.
←Rate |
11-01-2014 23:00 by BEGO
Comments (0)
Daylight savings tonight.. Happy extra hour of drinking everyone!!!!
←Rate |
11-01-2014 19:00 by Sully
Comments (0)
I think I found out what commitment really is. Its not marriage, its finding a new cell phone plain to sign with...
←Rate |
11-01-2014 14:40 by MWC
Comments (0)
So, is Charles still in charge or what?
←Rate |
11-01-2014 14:38 by snotty
Comments (0)
There is no "non creepy" way to compliment hot girl's feet
←Rate |
11-01-2014 11:57 by Pichin
Comments (1)
bad news: 2 Chainz will not be performing as scheduled. good news: 2 Chainz will not be performing as scheduled.
←Rate |
11-01-2014 09:14
Comments (0)
On the one hand I feel bad that Jeniffer Lawrence privacy was invaded, but on the other hand...well that hand is busy.
←Rate |
11-01-2014 08:10
Comments (0)
Well as tomorrow approaches, November 1st. I can start growing my taint hair for "No Shave November." Will you notice?
←Rate |
10-31-2014 23:12 by indy dave
Comments (0)
Instead of saying "happy Halloween" I've been whispering to the kids "find me on facebook..."... I think I'll have a much smaller turn-out next year.
←Rate |
10-31-2014 21:43 by Jeva
Comments (0)
Ya get the strangest looks when you roll up to the register at the grocery store with a basket full of eggs and toilet paper.
←Rate |
10-31-2014 20:26
Comments (0)
*spills beer on trick-or-treaters* No [hiccup] we're out of Snickers & Fun Dip & [hiccup] No Twix either. You want these seeded grapes or not?
←Rate |
10-31-2014 19:40 by sully
Comments (0)
Pro tip: DO NOT compliment a girl on her slutty girl Halloween costume until you confirm it's a slutty girl costume...
←Rate |
10-31-2014 18:33
Comments (0)
Due to the fact that I rarely get more than 2 trick or treaters, I buy candy that I like and give them a can of pork n beans!
←Rate |
10-31-2014 18:22
Comments (0)
No its not "cute", its actually quite slutty looking, and yes I love it!
←Rate |
10-31-2014 17:11 by John Y
Comments (0)
I'm not saying she's bipolar, but it took me two hours to figure out her mood ring wasn't a strobe light.
It's been a bad week for spacecrafts. Maybe my parents will finally stop nagging me about not becoming an astronaut...
←Rate |
10-31-2014 15:12
Comments (0)