Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Fcuk, is this year ever going to end?

   James Watson, the scientist that discovered the DNA double helix, believes that "stupidity" is a genetic condition that can be cured. So chin up, buttercup. There is hope for you yet!

   I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined

   Consultants know 243 ways to make love and know no member of the opposite sex

   Lately I think about my hands around your neck a lot.

   Somebody stop the INTERNET, I want to get off!

   I'm bipolar, my boyfriend had me tested

   Didn't win the lotto again.. send prayers.

   Spanish word of the day is: Cheez-It's. Cheez-It's Christ it's cold!

   BORED so Pretending to water my fake plants.....

   Do you think America will get so LAZY that we will have "Spray on pants."

   I have the new Weight Watchers fridge...At midnight my fridge no longer lights up inside. My Flashlight is also out of batteries!~~THE END TO MIDNIGHT SNACKS!~

   Phrases I hope to avoid in my obituary: "skeletal remains," "dumpster," "almost beyond recognition," "dental records," "blood bath" and "shallow grave."

   Crapchat instead of Snapchat... if you are into that kind of thing...

   Colts player busted for Rape charge....thats it, no joke

   "When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace."

   So this year I decided to fill out my own tax return, and guess what ... I'm getting back 4 million dollars!!!

   "Scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the middle ages." They’re calling it “Religion.”

   Finding a girlfriend isn't difficult...Finding a girl that you WANT as a girlfriend is where things get tricky.

   One of the most difficult jobs in the world is being a mother. If done wrong, you could ruin someone's future......NO PRESSURE!!!