Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   No! No, Bryant Gumbel!! We DON'T want to see Katie Couric "twerk"! PLEASE don't ask her again!

   I can make beer disappear, what is your super power?

   After the lost of Whitney Houston in the bath tub, one would think Bobbie Kristina would...perhaps stay clear of tubs and spend more time in the shower instead.

   Deflated balls and accused of cheating?? Been there; done that.

   If we put a pair of glasses on the Super Bowl we could probably find out it's true identity.

   Thanks for the advice, officer. I'll try to be less black next time.

   [job interview] "So tell me something about yourself" I'm on medication

   Not sure about the footballs, but Katy Perry's chest appears properly inflated.

   Imagine sex with me. Too late. It's over.

   The only real importance in life is getting ahead. Head. I meant to say head.

   Only 4 beers left in house. Time to find new house.

   Maybe my goal was to be a 35 year old loser on the Internet. You don't know.

   Let's kill people that disagree with our beliefs. - said no atheist ever

   If you matured and made changes in Your life, you made a "180"....not a DAMN "360." A "360" means the same Degree of Stupidity..

   I'm asian but not "love you long time" asian. More like "love you for 10 min, roll over, and go to bed" asian.

   todays weather 4-6 bottles of beer changing over to a large pizza iwith lots of cheese and pepperoni

   Relationship status: Just yelled "You're the fcuking problem!" at one of the cats.

   Well it's Game Day. I wonder if Tom Brady will be feeling a lot of pressure

   Am I the only one praying for an, "Equiptment Malfunction" during the halftime show tonight?

   Another beheading; I slam is truly the religion of ignorant cowards.