Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1700 of 6384
If you're wondering what to get Charles Manson for his wedding, he's registered at Bed, Bloodbath & Beyond
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11-18-2014 01:46
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Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn't want to go to in the first place.
My son asked what marriage is like so I answered, "It's fine" and then gave him the silent treatment for three days.
It's been three days since bono's luggage fell from his private jet and he "still hasn't found what he's looking for" Eh?
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11-17-2014 23:37 by Cicci
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The year is 2026. The iPhone18 is the size of a dump truck. Everything is automatically sepia toned. Air is pumpkin spice flavored.
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written "f*ck off forever" instead of "keep in touch" in your yearbook.
Million Dollar Idea: A restaurant that offers Coke and Pepsi....
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11-17-2014 21:35 by Sully
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When you realize Charles Manson is getting more play than you!
You're just once young but you can be a fool for the rest of your life.
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11-17-2014 20:34
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Why are there no mirrors in the self checkout?.....Slow people, take your time to get that jokke....
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11-17-2014 20:00 by Jitney
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Bill Cosby shoved pudding pops up my a$$, then things got weird.
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11-17-2014 19:52
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I have an overwhelming urge to give the weatherman a swirly while screaming; "HERE'S A POLAR VORTEX FOR YOU BEE-OTCH!!!"
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11-17-2014 17:52 by M
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If a baby comes out with an Afro, is that considered Natural child birth?
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11-17-2014 16:09 by Jitney
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Victoria's Secret: She vomits after every meal.
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11-17-2014 12:50
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My safe word is: I have 3 kids!
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11-17-2014 12:41
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It's funny how a baby who wakes to eat and goes right back to sleep is a good baby yet, this is is definition of a crummy husband!
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11-17-2014 12:39 by @Depirts1
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Women may never understand the enjoyment from putting a warm coffee mug between their legs in the morning. #warmnuts
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11-17-2014 09:02 by zack
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Kim Kardashian's daughter must be wishing she was on that missing malaysian plane
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11-17-2014 08:35
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Beware the "filters on every selfie" woman.
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11-17-2014 06:51 by DeeX
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Never date a woman over 35 whose cats are named after fashion designers.
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11-17-2014 06:50 by DeeX
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