bego Funny Status Messages

   Mom: If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too? Me: If all parents used that same metaphor would you use it too?

   Obama: I like Coke. Fox News: Obama has declared war on Pepsi.

   My ex has a new boyfriend and I’m glad. I mean I want her to be happy. As long as I’m happier and she knows that.

   Relationships should come with an icon that shows you how much time you have left like your phone’s battery.

   Break-ups aren't always meant for make-ups, sometimes they're meant for wake-ups.

   I guess it's "No Pull Out" season. Almost every chick on Facebook is pregnant.

   Dear those people who use their cellphones as a personal stereo in public, stop it. Sincerely, Everybody

   Did you know you that you don’t have to put every meal you eat on Instagram? You can just eat it.

   While you're ignoring that someone special, someone else is grabbing their attention.

   Me: I'm gonna lose weight. Me: I'm gonna exercise every day. Me: I'm gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?

   Setting up a Facebook account for your unborn child should be considered child abuse.

   I bet heroin addicts can open a Capri sun on the first try.

   I hate texting people first. I feel awkward, annoying and unwanted

   "Please don't put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby

   I wonder if dog’s had facebook, would they put our picture as their profile picture.

   Love doesn’t walk away, people do.

   If you’re in a relationship for sex it’s like buying an airplane for the peanuts.

   Time to buy a new car, a bigger TV, a better cell phone and a faster laptop so I’ll finally be happy! (Repeat over and over until you die)

   I don’t know who invented Nutella, but I’m going to assume they went to Hogwart’s.

   Your baby was cute until I realized you’re on the same flight as me. Now your baby is stupid.