Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Report: Buffalo is running out of beer...guys we are basically district 12 from the hunger games...the end is ne

   I took my sister to a NASCAR rase and all I got was this lousy son/nephew.

   The Theatre Alliance of Buffalo is holding auditions for Frozen tonight from 6 to 9

   Never mind shoveling out Ralph Wilson Stadium, change the rules to allow a defensive line of snowmen. That ought to liven things up.

   Replacing "Sent from my iPhone" with "sent from my “telepathic mind reading Auto-reply app”

   If you cut your child's sandwich into squares instead of triangles, you suck at parenting...

   What the heck is almond milk? Almonds don't even have tities!

   I'll stop being creepy when you stop sending me telepathic messages that you secretly want me.

   Buffalo residents be like....Every day I'm Shovelin.....(add music here)

   I wonder what my dog named me?

   Remember when someone had posted "who cares if we don't get to see polars Bears, cuz we didn't get to see dinosaurs?" I guess mother natures cares with this winter blast!

   So did Queen Elsa put a spell on the Kingdom of Buffalo?

   Helping someone set up a Facebook account is kind of like watching someone try meth for the 1st time.

   In a BMW manual the first page says "Drive like an a$$hole" and rest is just tips on how to bring up your BMW in every conversation.

   Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don't want to look like a dork.

   I'm rarely wrong, I mean mistaken.

   Women have to deal with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and hot flashes. Men have to deal with women.

   Settle down Cross Fit. Settle down. I just wanna lift weights not snatch smart cars.

   The human race is the only one that lets its idiots live a full life...

   All my passwords are protected by amnesia...