Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I did not have communications with that phone

   Hillary has been sending me sexual explicit emails for years. . .

   I just turned my desktop keyboard upside down, shook it, and a taco salad fell out... Well, at least it tasted like a taco salad.

   Whatever, low battery indicator. You're not the boss of

   A man’s got to know his limitations....... Unless he’s in a relationship,, then he’ll be constantly reminded.

   I got 47Traitors =GOP but a democrat ain't one!

   if Taylor Swift has sung Nasty Funk by Robbie Glover she'd have still managed to make it depressing

   You would think Republicans would want to avoid the #47, #47Traitors

   did you get Hillery's email ? nope I didn't either,,,,,

   I hope Apple is coming out with an iCondom because of all the iSex people will be having once the iWatch comes out.

   If you ABSOLUTELY need to own an Apple iWatch, I don't think we can be friends.

   You don't have the right to say "the struggle is real" when your ass is still living with your parents.

   The only thing worse than a dry handjob, is cake without frosting.

   I'm not a role model, I just play one in front of my kids.

   Life gave me onions.... onionade sucks.

   Easy there buddy... Its an email signature, not the hood of a racecar.

   cutting the fat off bacon is like cutting the bacon off bacon

   I live in fear of finding hidden cameras in my house & not being able to explain why I do all those random karate kicks directed at no one.

   Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

   Apparently Pound Town is NOT a British dollar store.