Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I will always be here for you. Unless we run out of beer and someone has some over there. Then I will be over there for you.

   Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.

   I did so much yard work today, I might get deported.

   Wasn't Billy Dee Williams supposed to fix that thing in Cloud City?

   Hans Solo changed his name to Hans TooLow today! too soon?

   Harrison Fords plane crashed. I hope Chewbacca is okay.

   Harrison Ford was in a plane crash. I hope he was flying "Solo" Eh?

   Did you know the same goes for an atheist or one on a gluten free diet?

   Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. :)

   "Daddy, can we go to the park" *looks at 9% battery* "Nope"

   should we say 15 more days of WINTER or 15 more days until SPRING ?

   My ear buds are in.... yes, you are interrupting me.

   Girl, are you an alarm clock? Because I'd totally hit it at least three times before I got out of bed.

   I don't mind the cold weather but I'm ready for my wife to start shaving her pubes again!

   I just seen a chicken cross the road. I'm not even going to question it. It's not like the chicken is going to answer me back. . .

   The symptoms of Ebola are sweating, weakness, diarrhoea & stomach pains. A kind of feeling that a husband gets when he sees his wife going through his phone ..

   My blood test came back "vodka".

   Chill with the snow pics folks. It's fcuking winter. It's supposed to be cold.

   If I never get crushed by a falling piano and walk away looking like a human accordian then life will have been a complete waste.

   Today is World Book Day.... or as today's generation calls it, "World What Day?"