Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1656 of 6384
Dear Life...Would you at least start using lubricant in 2015.
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01-02-2015 13:27 by Rollen
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My resume is just a piece of paper that says "Please don't Google me."
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01-02-2015 12:46 by Czovczov
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OK, here's how it's going to be....Love me or leave me...understand? Hold on.....wait.....hey....where's everybody going??
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01-02-2015 12:09 by scottyp
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Side chicks get the " oh yeah, happy new year." Text message today.
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01-02-2015 11:18 by Rollen
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I've started to make a fresh start in 2015, so if I owe you money, too bad.
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01-02-2015 10:17
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Ladies, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest, eat a banana.
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01-02-2015 07:05
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FACT: Somewhere, right this minute, someone is reading this sentence.
Unless you got cloned on new year's eve, please don't write: " new year, new me." It's not gonna end well.
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01-02-2015 03:06 by Czovczov
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My Resolution was to watch less por...Damn, already blew that one.
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01-01-2015 22:48
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I still remember 2014 like it was yesterday!
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01-01-2015 20:59 by MWC
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now if I can train my cat to eat dog poop, I will never have to buy pet food again
I met my ex-girlfriend’s son today and told him about how I once auditioned to be his father.
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01-01-2015 15:58
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My New Years resolution is to throw my hands up in the air......but this year I vow to wave them all around like I just don't care..
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01-01-2015 15:20 by Cicci
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My neighbor is so uptight I could put a lump of coal in his butt and 5 minutes later he'd be like "don't put stuff in my butt anymore, Mike"
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01-01-2015 13:30
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Too bad you couldn’t leave your ugliness in 2014.
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01-01-2015 13:15
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Phil Collins "in the air tonight" is not the most popular song in Malasia
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01-01-2015 12:41 by Meme
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2015 and I still can't believe it's not butter!
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01-01-2015 12:40 by Baddie
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New Year, New Me!!! my @ss, woke up and it's still the same me.
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01-01-2015 12:22 by Timk
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I feel pretty damn good this morning, I made it 2 hours longer then my last years, New Years Resolution!
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01-01-2015 10:54 by Lil-David
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People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucked yesterday, it’s probably still going to suck today in 2015...
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01-01-2015 09:42
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