Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1641 of 6384
Females don't want much from you except your time, attention, space, food, shirts, fun, bed covers, passwords, credit cards, life, soul......
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01-21-2015 15:33
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Facebook is for entertainment. Nobody really cares about how sad and lonely you are, you better add some jokes on the end of that post
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01-21-2015 15:18
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Winning the game using deflated balls? Is this the NFL or the Tour De France?
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01-21-2015 13:17 by eengrms
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In the 1984 Ratt song Round and Round, the singer belts out the lyrics "What comes around goes around. I'll tell you why." But for the rest of the song, he never DOES tell us why. So... I'm looking for some punitive damages out of this 31 year old false p
The IRS suggests filing early to reduce the chance that someone will steal your identity and file before you. Honestly, if somebody wants my identity so badly they'll file my tax return for me, go crazy. You can mow my lawn while you're at it, too.
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01-21-2015 12:53 by Mark M
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The world is effed up when boy bands sing about Jack and country singers sing about Crown...
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01-21-2015 10:22
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Colts..."Who's got big ball's, We got big ball's, we got the biggest balls of them all!!!!
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01-21-2015 10:17 by MWC
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Up until 2 days ago, thanks to my news feed, I didn't even know Dean Cain was even still alive.
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01-21-2015 10:04 by DeeX
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did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. It was fried and eaten on MLK day.
I wish my wife would look at me the way Biden looks at the back of Obamas head.
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01-21-2015 09:09 by Steve OH
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If I was married to a supermodel, my balls would always be deflated too...
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01-21-2015 08:54 by T-Dub
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Did you know!! if you walk like a penguin you won't slip on ice.. ;)
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01-21-2015 07:43 by Dave uk
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Unless your kids fundraiser is selling whisley, I'm not really interested
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01-21-2015 06:53 by Czovczov
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The opposite of being happy is being sober.
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01-21-2015 06:43 by Czovczov
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church is the weirdest place ever, they form a choir and then force everyone in the congregation to sing.
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01-21-2015 06:40
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you can tell if someone worships satan if they have their phone's keypad tone on.
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01-21-2015 06:38
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Everytime a congressman gets up to clap, he thanks the lord for baby powder.
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01-20-2015 21:52
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State of the union speech is on. Hang on to your wallets.
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01-20-2015 21:13
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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. It was fried and eaten on MLK day.
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01-20-2015 19:55 by Jbaby
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must be awkward for jesus to be the only white guy in the middle east
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01-20-2015 17:28
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