Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1640 of 6384
One word: Ballgazi
It's okay I'll text myself back.
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01-22-2015 14:48 by Baddie
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Welcome to laser noises club. Please take a pew, pew....pew!
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01-22-2015 14:16 by Nipper
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It's nice to get married and finally know who the number one suspect in your murder case will be
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01-22-2015 11:26 by SEAN
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Didn't even finish microwaving this Lean Cuisine before the suicide prevention hotline called me..
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01-22-2015 11:23 by SEAN
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When I said make yourself at home I meant go wash my dishes.
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01-22-2015 11:18 by SEAN
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My son said he was gonna jump off the roof using a blanket as a parachute and I was like "That won't work you idiot. Go get my umbrella".
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01-22-2015 11:17
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Just once I'd like a doctor to tell me I'm not getting enough beer in my diet.
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01-22-2015 11:15 by SEAN
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You bring a baby monitor to the bar one time and everyone freaks out.
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01-22-2015 09:23
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If Obama can break the rules, so can the Patriots dammit.
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01-22-2015 09:17 by Styles
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Dear media: please stop rhyming things with the word "Gate"
Her: Who's your favorite Kardashian? Me: Gul Dukat.
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01-22-2015 06:32 by DeeX
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It’s 2015, why don’t we have hover-boards yet?” he typed into a pocket-sized device that can do everything
Does anyone shoop anymore?
Take me seriously at your own risk.
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01-22-2015 03:32 by Czovczov
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in another 40 years, i'll have a set of patriot balls
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01-21-2015 22:44 by Eddy
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i wonder why all 3 insurance companies don't combine & call themselves "Alstate Farm Bureau"
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01-21-2015 22:42 by Eddy
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At the end of Goonies, Chunk says to Sloth, “you’re gonna live with me now.” Why isn’t that a movie yet?
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01-21-2015 18:26 by BEGO
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Plot twist: The Patriots deflated balls to keep the game close.
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01-21-2015 17:07
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Well, I've never had a hot carl before, but I certainly came close watching the State of the Union
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01-21-2015 17:02
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