Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1633 of 6384
Guys with poodles, explain yourselves.
←Rate |
01-31-2015 11:11
Comments (0)
Why do people even bother to say stuff like, “Please say hi to so and so for me” when we all know very well that message is never passed on?
←Rate |
01-31-2015 11:01
Comments (0)
I took 3 years of college chemistry and never once learned how to cook meth so don't tell me about your disappointments.
←Rate |
01-31-2015 10:40
Comments (0)
The sooner you realize a min wage job is a starting point and not a career, the better off you (and America) will be!
←Rate |
01-31-2015 10:28
Comments (0)
[job interview] "So what are your goals for working here?" To be home by 5
←Rate |
01-31-2015 10:00 by Czovczov
Comments (0)
No, I don't like to wear pants. Or as I call them, leg prisons.
←Rate |
01-31-2015 09:49
Comments (0)
[Jesus at Last Supper] *breaks bread* This is my body *pours wine* This is my blood *opens jar of mayo* Judas: I'm gonna stop you right there
←Rate |
01-31-2015 09:48 by Psycho
Comments (0)
If Walmart really wanted to help its customers, they'd sell teeth.
←Rate |
01-31-2015 09:35 by Baddie
Comments (0)
The number of STDs she can spell without autocorrect really bothers me.
I think Bruce Jenner's trying a little too hard to 'Keep Up With The Kardashians.'
←Rate |
01-31-2015 08:31
Comments (0)
If corn oil is made from corn, and olive oil is made from olives, what is baby oil made of?
←Rate |
01-31-2015 08:17 by MWC
Comments (0)
I just want to be rich enough to legally hunt people.
←Rate |
01-31-2015 07:56
Comments (0)
I'm confused. Does baby oil come from babies or go in babies?
←Rate |
01-30-2015 23:45
Comments (0)
I'm sorry I karate chopped your grandma...but her stroke face was all like, "Come at me, bro".
←Rate |
01-30-2015 20:42 by scottyp
Comments (0)
"Why can't more people be just like you?" I wisper into the bun of giant meatball sub.
←Rate |
01-30-2015 15:14
Comments (0)
Yelp reviews, but for co-workers
←Rate |
01-30-2015 15:13
Comments (0)
Dudes who watch The Bachelor, what does mensturation feel like?
←Rate |
01-30-2015 15:11
Comments (0)
I love animals. Especially with ketchup.
←Rate |
01-30-2015 15:08
Comments (0)
90% of what goes on in a cat's head is "I wonder how I can get them to look at my butthole?"
←Rate |
01-30-2015 15:07
Comments (0)
Belated congrtulations to Earth for being 63-0 in Miss Universe competitions
←Rate |
01-30-2015 15:05
Comments (0)