Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1633 of 6446

If we have learned anything lately, it's to never run from a lazy cop.
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04-08-2015 07:38
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Wild horses could drag me away from anything. They're wild horses. The more important question is: who tied me to these wild horses?
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04-08-2015 05:55 by huck
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Every superhero has a secret identity except Aquaman because no one cares he's Aquaman

Just overheard someone say they need an "escape goat" for their project & I can't decide if they're a complete idiot or an evil genius.

Hi, welcome to adulthood! You’ll be constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep

FACT: If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.

it possible to have been bitten by a radioactive sloth without knowing it? Can't find any other explanation for my symptoms.
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04-08-2015 00:49
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What do you call a black guy with millions of white friends? Mr President
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04-08-2015 00:03 by Rev Al S
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What is the scariest thing about a white person in prison? You know he did it.
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04-08-2015 00:02 by Rev Al S
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What do you call a black girl under age 30 named Sarah? Identity thief."
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04-07-2015 16:53
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Cop: "Can you describe the person who robbed you?" Me: "He had on a black shirt and hat with a green apron and charged me $6 for coffee"
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04-07-2015 15:31
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I am like a buffet, you take what you like and ignore what you dont like.
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04-07-2015 15:29 by Czovczov
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You know that the Pot used to call the Kettle something much worse right?
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04-07-2015 15:18 by John Y
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*Taps life on shoulder* What's your fcukin problem with me?
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04-07-2015 15:02 by Psycho
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I met a black clown and a white clown. The white clown made me a balloon animal. The black clown stole my wallet.
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04-07-2015 14:18
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The last time I went camping I stayed home.
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04-07-2015 13:19
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If I've learned anything from my 7-day Detox, it's that I love toxins.
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04-07-2015 13:10 by Czovczov
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I bet Peter is pissed off they keep stealing from him. On a side note, Paul seems to be pretty happy.
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04-07-2015 11:50
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Osha should be required to shut the Men's office bathrooms down the Monday and Tuesday after Easter
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04-07-2015 10:02 by Murph
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Where are all these beautiful singles in my area that want to meet me. I keep getting a popup with photo's of several ladies, However I have never noticed them at wal-mart, the grocery store, church, or anywhere around here. I Think this may be a scam!!