hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   Alanis Morissette should have had one hand in her pocket, and the other one Googling the correct usage of the word ironic.

   Am I the only person who thinks that Walmart is missing out on a major opportunity by not having a Golden Corral in all of their stores?

   Be careful who you call friends. I'd rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.

   Yawning is the body's way of saying '10% Battery Remaining'.

   I started an Alcohol Free Diet today. So if its Free, I drink it.

   People with a Bluetooth look like they're communicating with Douchebag Mission Control.

   It would be easier to keep my New Year's resolution to accept and forgive people if they'd stop being the same jacka$$es they were last year.

   I don't think I could be friends with anyone desperate enough to choose me as their emergency contact.

   Why I wear thick, fluffy socks: 1% Comfort 1% Warmth 98% Increased ability to slide across floor like a fricken ninja on an invisible surfboard

   I guess I should come up with a plan B in case the murderer that breaks into my house figures out how to get this blanket off of me.

   We all have chapters, in our lives, we don't want published. Be reminded though that it's those chapters which make the book worth reading.

   On the internet you can be whoever you want. It's odd that so many choose to be stupid.

   Whenever I see a fly on a plane, I'm amazed by the wisdom of that choice.

   Making mental notes with a pen isn't very smart. I've got ink on my forehead now.

   The closest I've come to Tebowing was that time I fell asleep on the toilet at work.

   I'm following my dreams because I tried reality and that didn't work out so well.

   I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you've ever done in your life

   When I play a fighting game, I press random buttons and hope for the best.

   They should just make highway rest stops out of Purell.

   If you think 7 years of bad luck are to much for breaking a mirror.. Try breaking a condom