SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   I didn't know the name of the curly-mustachioed head shop proprietor, but that didn't make him a "stranger." And so, I accepted his candy.

   Person just said they can't wait for technology to beamed them cross country instead of flying. I see it now Error 404 "Passenger Not Found"

   Fair is fair but sometimes unfair is still kinda fair comparatively.

   You can drown in two inches of water. I'm not reciting facts, I'm making suggestions.

   Facebook is neat because it provides a platform for me to connect with old friends, make new ones, and figure out which one's are completely insane.

   When your life flashes before your eyes does that include the black outs? That'd be cool. Like your life but with never before seen footage.

   Whenever someone tells me I should be ashamed of myself, I'm like "Got it covered, bro!"

   There are times NO actually does mean YES. Like when you ask a girl if she has daddy issues.

   Abilify commercials depress me. Is there a version of this pill I can take just to get through their ads?

   Sadly, I don't think everyone ever wang-chunged on any night.

   Scientists plan to clone a woolly mammoth and bring the prehistoric creature back to life. I sure don't see what could go wrong there.

   Lazy is a strong word. I prefer to say that the stars are reaching for me.

   Is marshmallow a vegetable or a fruit?

   Sometimes it's too hard to hate everyone all at once, so I hate people in shifts.

   If I was a farmer I'd name one of my cows Jagger and run around singing "I've Got the Moos Like Jagger" and I'd be popular among farmers.

   Grant me the opiates to accept the things I cannot change, the stimulants to change the things I can + the mixture to know the difference.

   At the airport heading off to spring break. TSA hassling me about my suitcase full of wet t-shirts.

   I think I invented some new kama sutra moves trying to reach the remote without getting up.

   I'm so tired, I just spent 5 minutes trying to figure out how to vote for Ron Paul on the self-checkout machine at the grocery store.

   Racism is for lazy people who don't take the time to learn enough about someone to dislike them for a much better reason.