Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I bet Kim Kardashian dyed her hair blonde to support Jodi Arias

   If your name is on the building, you’re rich; if your name is on your desk, you’re middle-class; if your name is on your shirt, you’re poor.

   If you don’t catch me before I take off my bra, then all plans are off.

   One would think if you can fly a freaking Starship you could fly a World War 2 vintage plane?

   Harrison Fords plane crashed??? I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area

   I will always be here for you. Unless we run out of beer and someone has some over there. Then I will be over there for you.

   Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.

   I did so much yard work today, I might get deported.

   Wasn't Billy Dee Williams supposed to fix that thing in Cloud City?

   Hans Solo changed his name to Hans TooLow today! too soon?

   Harrison Fords plane crashed. I hope Chewbacca is okay.

   Harrison Ford was in a plane crash. I hope he was flying "Solo" Eh?

   Did you know the same goes for an atheist or one on a gluten free diet?

   Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. :)

   "Daddy, can we go to the park" *looks at 9% battery* "Nope"

   should we say 15 more days of WINTER or 15 more days until SPRING ?

   My ear buds are in.... yes, you are interrupting me.

   Girl, are you an alarm clock? Because I'd totally hit it at least three times before I got out of bed.

   I don't mind the cold weather but I'm ready for my wife to start shaving her pubes again!

   I just seen a chicken cross the road. I'm not even going to question it. It's not like the chicken is going to answer me back. . .