Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1581 of 6384
Your tongue is a very powerful muscle. It's strong enough to get your feaking teeth knocked out...
←Rate |
03-24-2015 15:06 by Nipper
Comments (0)
The push-up bra: the strangely acceptable female equivalent of a rolled up sock stuffed in men's underwear.
←Rate |
03-24-2015 14:31
Comments (0)
I don't always get a taste of my own medicine but when I do I wash it down with tequila, hold the lime
←Rate |
03-24-2015 14:17
Comments (0)
I'm getting kind of tired always slowly raising my hand when someone asks, "Who does something like that?!?"
←Rate |
03-24-2015 13:22
Comments (0)
Well, well, well.... If it isn't that thing that gives me water out of the ground.
←Rate |
03-24-2015 13:17
Comments (0)
I'm just going to flip the omelette now. Annnnnnnndddd, now I'm having scrambled eggs.
←Rate |
03-24-2015 13:14
Comments (0)
McDonalds delivery is not yet a "thing" b/c there's no way someone could deliver my big mac without eating some of my fries along the way
←Rate |
03-24-2015 10:07
Comments (0)
I take solace in knowing that somewhere in a parallel universe my life is spiraling into control.
←Rate |
03-24-2015 08:37
Comments (0)
My blood type is B Positive. The irony isn't lost on me.
←Rate |
03-24-2015 08:34
Comments (0)
Last night while having pasta, the lid to the parmesan cheese came off and way too much parmesan cheese spilled onto the plate. I learned an invaluable life lesson from this experience. There is no such thing as "way too much parmesan cheese".
←Rate |
03-24-2015 08:28 by Jiffy Pop
Comments (0)
You aren't a food "Food Blogger", you're a "Fat ass with a laptop"
←Rate |
03-24-2015 08:26
Comments (0)
“Don’t make me regret this.” -things I think when accepting a friend request.
←Rate |
03-24-2015 06:35
Comments (0)
Just found out Bob Ross was once a military sergeant and now I'm picturing him yelling LOOK AT ALL THOSE HAPPY LITTLE TREES, MAGGOT
←Rate |
03-24-2015 05:44 by huck
Comments (0)
The only reason people hate Nickleback is because they HAVE heard them play. Nickleback's idea of rock is like Avril Lavign's idea of punk - or Will Smith's idea of rap.
←Rate |
03-24-2015 04:32
Comments (0)
LIFE HACK: hide a hot dog in your popcorn to give your date something to play with while you enjoy the movie
←Rate |
03-24-2015 03:57
Comments (0)
Not today man, the last time someone aksed me a question I lost my wallet
←Rate |
03-24-2015 02:19
Comments (0)
Why is KFC removing the trans-fat from their menu? Because they want that Variety bucket to pad people's ass without clogging their arteries!
←Rate |
03-23-2015 21:14
Comments (0)
This has been the worst Monday since last Monday.
←Rate |
03-23-2015 19:43
Comments (0)
If a ram is a member of the sheep family,& a ass is the member of the horse family,why do they refer to a ram in the ass a goose ?
←Rate |
03-23-2015 19:12
Comments (0)
How is McDonald's delivery not a thing yet? I can order a wife from another country but I can't get someone to bring me a Big Mac?