Snotty Funny Status Messages

   The love of Money is the root of all evil.. For more information,,,, send $20 to me.

   I'm thinking when they say,, "Instant Credit",, I think they really mean,, "Instant Debt".

   Guess what YouTube,,, I will ALWAYS,, “Skip this ad.”

   It's really sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his violence, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.

   I can't remember the last time I had amnesia this bad.

   Laughter is the Best,,,,,,,,, Way to get the judge to reduce your sentence..☺

   ■Does anyone else realize that in about 40 years, we'll have a million of old ladies shuffling around with tattoos?........ ( all I can say is ,,Ha,Ha,! )

   The C.D.C. says that more people die every year from Diarrhea than heart attacks??? That's NOT good news for me and my family because Diarrhea runs in my "genes",,,No really,, I've got Diarrhea in my "genes" right now

   I wonder if Captain America ever borrows money from Captain China

   I'm playing the "Tetris" background music in my head when I load the dishwasher,,,,, Awesome

   I don't think dogs like giving high fives as much as we think they do.

   They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.

   I just saw a huge and very intricate spider web, but no spider. This foreclosure crisis is really getting out of hand

   Dear friends, I could make a chemistry joke... but all the good ones argon.

   I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 8 or 9 times, just to be sure.

   I was thinkin,,,The obituaries section in the newspaper would be more interesting if they told you how the person died.

   I'm wearing my pajamas and buying booze at 10 am on a Tuesday…Yeah,,I probably don't need a receipt

   I'm so old... I grew up in an era where you had to go to channel 3 to play video games.

   I heard that people who talk to themselves tend to be extremely smart.. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that.

   I have a theory that the world will end in 5105, and we've been reading the Mayan calendar upside down