Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Do the Kardashians have to buy Bruce Jenner a gift on both Mothers Day and Fathers Day now?

   Happy Father's Day, Caitlyn Jenner!!!!

   Kanye West calls himself Yeezus because he can turn, "Not winning a Grammy Award" into whine.

   If time is money Facebook owes me like...29 billion dollars...

   It's also amazing how someday, someone walks out of your life and you wonder how the hell you lived with them!!

   The most interesting thing about me is my lack of interest.

   Dad, I love how we don't even have to say out loud that I'm your favorite.

   My Dad sends his love because he thinks I know you all personally.

   It's almost noon and still nobody has peeled me a grape. Worst. Father's Day. Ever.

   I'm awkward. I don't apologize for it. Hi.

   It's HARD being this creepy.

   THEN MAYBE THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE MADE WORKOUT CLOTHES SO COMFORTABLE TO LAY AROUND IN

   When I love, I like to give it my ALL. Same when I don't love.

   Ladies, if your boyfriend can't drive a stick shift, you have a girlfriend ...

   A fun thing to do with when you're watching "JAWS" with someone is lean over halfway through and whisper "I think the shark did it."

   Don't blame the guns. A killer has a wide selection of tools to kill with. Control killers not guns.

   I'm not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.

   Cheer up LeBron. You did win the MVP after all. Most Visible Privates

   Do these boxers, this bag of chips, and couch make me look single?

   I say potato you say potato, another guy says potato, everyone starts chanting potato, the potato meeting was a huge success