Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   i'm a Maths terro$$ist with close ties to Algebra,i have weapons of math instruction.

   Gay marriage is now legal. In related news Caitlyn Jenner has decided to marry herself under the surname Jenn Brucer

   Those annoying "live chat" customer service pop-ups go away if you ask them what they're wearing.

   I never ever delete messages… just in case someone decides to start acting different like you weren’t saying that May 14, 2013 at 1:22 PM.

   I would totally watch a House Hunters companion show that explains how some of these idiots have so much freakin' money.

   Guy:My hair is not usually this messy. Girl: Really? Your hair is saying, "I wish I was emo so I can cut myself"

   What was that idiot thinking when he invented white underwear?

   Gay Marriage legal and not one Bruce Jenner joke. You guys need to step up your game.

   Everyone's all "confederate flag" this, "gay marriage" that. And I'm just sitting here waiting for the new Minions movie to come out.

   Hot girls look even hotter when riding a bike. Fat girls look even fatter while riding a bike. It's science.

   My news feed is starting to look like a battle broke out between the Confederates and a skittles factory.

   When did Facebook become Rod, Jane and Freddy?

   When a mosquito bites you and it dies of alcohol poisoning you're doing something right

   Alcohol? Yes. Feelings? No.

   Somewhere over the rainbow photoshop lies.

   Facebook so fresh, you can taste the rainbow

   Let's drink until we don't have feelings

   cons can't understand the US Supreme Court I see. Never paid attention in government class in grade school, is the reason

   yet another bad week to be a knuckle dragging neo-con

   If you want the perfect girlfriend date Wonder Woman..Oh wait, she's not real either!