Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1570 of 6384
Be careful, Loneliness is dangerous. It's addicting . Once you see how peaceful it is, you don't wanna deal with people ever again.
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04-10-2015 03:32
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Buckwheat (of Little Rascals fame) has converted to Islam and changed his name to Kareem of Wheat.
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04-09-2015 21:00
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I always seem to be running late. My ancestors came over on the Juneflower.
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04-09-2015 20:55
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If someone starts a sentence with "words can't express," brace yourself, because they're about to give it a hell of a try anyway.
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04-09-2015 18:02
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Susan,, Don't give those gdamn ducks our bread,, they're just going to use it to buy drugs...
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04-09-2015 17:35 by snotty
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PRO TIP: Lose friends the quick and easy way by sending group texts.
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04-09-2015 17:17 by snotty
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Ariana Grande sounds like a new drink at Starbucks.
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04-09-2015 16:02
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My relationship with scotch has been on the rocks lately.
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04-09-2015 16:02
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As someone who wears glasses I usually don’t understand when someone at a party asks for us to raise our glasses.
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04-09-2015 14:13
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Cop: sir, have you been drinking? Me: define sir
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04-09-2015 14:08 by Czovczov
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Curb alert! Sabra hummus and Blue Bell ice cream varieties
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04-09-2015 13:50 by Sean
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Barry Manilow gets married to partner and comes out of the closet..... World rolls eyes and says, "Oh Gee Barry, we had no clue."
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04-09-2015 12:04 by dougs327
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Once you go black your credit goes bad.
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04-09-2015 10:29
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@CauseWereGuys: If you get pulled over for a DUI, you should get 1 chance to beat Rainbow Road on Mario Kart w/o falling off. If you can, you're free to go.
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04-09-2015 07:58
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Birthdays are like boogers, the more you have the harder it is to breathe.
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04-09-2015 05:15
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I dont care who you are, I want your name - Police
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04-09-2015 03:31
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plantar fasciitis is my arch nemesis.
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04-08-2015 21:25
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The NFL has hired their first female referee... She will throw flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
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04-08-2015 20:00 by snotty
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Yes a few rounds being dumped into your back is above and beyond excessive force. And murder. But once again, it's very simple, if you comply, you don't die... Pants Up Don't Loot!!!
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04-08-2015 14:37 by John Y
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My Wife is pissed off at me for being such glutton. I think she must be glutton intolerant.
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04-08-2015 14:14
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