Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1558 of 6384
Listen,,, Anything can be cereal, if you have enough milk.
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04-25-2015 10:58 by snotty
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what if Spider Man has to stop a crime in the countryside
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04-25-2015 10:32
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[first date] her: so, tell me about yourself! me: well, I'm not good with dates her: but you're doing fine! me: christmas is on september 3rd
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04-25-2015 10:30
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Listen buddy I don't come down to the Being A Stupid Piece Of Sh*t Factory and tell you how to do your job
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04-25-2015 10:29
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Sometimes I can't tell if I'm being funny or if I'm just unbelievably depressed
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04-25-2015 10:29
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I hate when boxing announcers say a boxer is "down for the count." I don't care that he loves Dracula I just want to know who's winning.
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04-25-2015 10:22 by Czovczov
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[judge at restaurant] "I will try... the lobster" [2 hours later] "I find the lobster guilty of money laundering and embezzlement"
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04-25-2015 10:22
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Bruce Jenner? Never heard of her...
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04-25-2015 07:20 by Steve OH
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i only have 1 question for Bruce Jenner. after he becomes woman, will he change his name to "Jenny Brucer" ?
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04-24-2015 21:46 by Eddy
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If you say "bae" three times while looking in a mirror you get moved to the front of the line at Starbucks.
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04-24-2015 14:42
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Ommpa Loompa Doopity Do. Fake tanning lotion ain't working for you.
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04-24-2015 14:40
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My parents are about to get a divorce. Haha, I'm kidding. I'm black, my parents haven't seen each other in 15 years.
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04-24-2015 14:40
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I'll trust a fart after a heavy night of drinking before I'll trust a politician.
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04-24-2015 14:38
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I bet more people call the gambling addicts helpline if they made every 10th caller a winner! ♠♥♣♦😃😳
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the "For External Use Only" warning labels.
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04-24-2015 08:37 by snotty
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My wife asking me to do the first half of the kids' bedtime,,, is like asking me to shake up a can of soda before handing it to her...
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04-24-2015 08:31 by snotty
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WAIT????.. Koalas eat 10x their body weight every day and everyone calls them adorable,,, but when I do it it's "disgusting" and "ruining our credit."
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04-24-2015 08:26 by snotty
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If it wasn't for my excitement to hate someone new I wouldn't leave my bed in the morning.
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04-24-2015 02:31 by Psycho
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Screw it..... I'm just gonna say that these are " Mother's Day" lights now..... *lazy Christmas light owners...
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04-23-2015 23:29 by snotty
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I just had a bite of Wookie candy... It tasted pretty good but it was kinda Chewy. I soooo stole that joke from 1983.