Funny Status Messages

   It's what's on the inside that counts, and other things ugly people say.

   ok i'm done with the ice bucket Challenge .... WHATS next ?

   We are not going to call him President Trump, instead he simply prefers "the Donald"

   Soooo.... I take it we should expect to see Hulk Hogan put in his bid for the next GOP Presidental candidate now?

   We're not friends until I have at least 38 pictures of you passed out somewhere on on my phone.

   If a bear tries to attack you in the woods, give it your bicycle. Maybe it's one of those circus bears, you never know.

   I bet the worst person to have negotiating you down from a ledge would be the members of Van Halen.

   With all the craziness going on in the world, I can just say; stay strapped, my friends.

   How is gun control working in Chicago?

   said it before and I say it again: Ive said it before and say it again ...

   Russians; the other white p eople.

   Since we're not allowed to talk about gun control right after mass shootings, having them happen back-to-back is a real time-saver...

   I want to open a donut shop called Hole Foods.

   The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder...See how things can escalate quickly Susan??

   Grammar makes a difference... I punched my grandma in the face. Or.... I punched, my grandma, in t,he face...I don't know what I'm doing

   It's like my grandma always used to say, everyone needs to get that 1st starter marriage out-of-the-way!

   I never get caught because I've watched all 27 seasons of Cops..

   Hot singles in your area want to work out and eat healthy while you watch Netflix in your underwear .

   The only advantage of an old enemy is that they can distract you from the devilment of new ones.

   Just Donated blood..I hope whoever gets it likes wine. 🍷