Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1519 of 6384
Bruce Jenner wears a dress in public and Vanity Fair asks him for a photo shoot. I wear a dress in public and the police ask me for a breathalyzer.
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06-06-2015 13:59
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Hmmmm,, Texting while driving is illegal,,, but you can go ahead and eat a burrito while putting on mascara?
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06-06-2015 13:57 by snotty
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Be careful,,, A vetrinary receptionist has the power to know everyone's password.
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06-06-2015 13:55 by snotty
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I just shouted at a guy driving aSmartCar..... and I think I totaled it.
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06-06-2015 13:52
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I still think I'm in my 20s sometimes...until I try to do something like I'm in my 20s.
"WTH, I can't seem to parallel park anymore" - Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner
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06-06-2015 10:28
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Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner said that the wierdest thing about transforming into a woman is that he still likes watching football but he no longer really understands it.
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06-06-2015 09:52
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Your selfie needs more paper bag.
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06-06-2015 08:49 by snotty
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wonders which black athlete or rapper Caitlyn will end up dating? ♠️
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06-05-2015 23:01 by Todd72113
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Faffing: The excessive use of time for nonsense activities....Faffometer: A device or means for measuring the amount of time spent faffing around (as I am doing when writing this entry)
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06-05-2015 21:30
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First date. Her. "Shall we carve our names onto this tree" Me. "You brought a knife?"
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06-05-2015 20:31
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So, I wonder if Jerry Sandusky has room in his cell for Dennis Hastert?
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06-05-2015 19:05
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National Doughnut Day - My Holey Day
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06-05-2015 18:58 by smeebert
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Blowing a tranny means something completely different to an auto mechanic.
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06-05-2015 17:01
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started calling my truck Caitlin since it started having tranny problems
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06-05-2015 16:38
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Sorry boss, can't come in today. National Donut Day is sacred to my people.
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06-05-2015 11:17
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If by "social drinker" you mean I like to drink instead of being social, then yes, I'm a social drinker.
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06-05-2015 10:47
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Always thought the 4 words I never wanted to hear from my wife was "I want a divorce". Turns out its actually, "What is your password".
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06-05-2015 10:47
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Sequel Idea: Fresh Prince of Bel Aire 2 - A privledged kid from Bel-Aire is sent to live in West Philly to be given a hard dose of reality. Starring Jaden Smith.
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06-05-2015 10:46
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I'm so bad at Candy Crush that I just gave up and ate a bag of M&Ms.
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06-05-2015 08:07
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