Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you think you're somehow superior to anyone else because of your good looks you just might be an idiot.

   My girlfriend just stormed out of an ice cream shop because they ran out of sprinkles, in case you’re wondering if I’m winning at life.

   If I liked a pic of you and your man, it doesn't mean I'm mature... It means holla at me if he acting up.

   When I get a girl I'm gonna show her off. Guys who think being sweet to their girl is lame have that childish mindstate.

   If you don't grab your girls booty at least 46 times a day, you're living life all wrong.

   When girls are mad at you, there's a typo in every word 'cuz they texting so fast.

   Most women don't even need to workout. Y'all burn enough calories jumping to conclusions.

   Sometimes you just gotta text your ex and remind them they ain't sh*t... Just in case they forgot.

   When I say 'Netflix & Chill' sometimes I mean that. Stop kissin' my neck and watch this serial killer documentary with me or get the tf out.

   If you ever see your girl smiling at her phone, she probably laughing at my posts and picturing our life together after she leaves you.

   From now on, if we text longer than a week, we better fall in love. If not, you paying my phone bill for wasting my unlimited texts.

   Don't text me after 11 pm unless you're offering me sex or bringing me food.

   If you gotta look thru someone's phone, you shouldn't be with 'em. Quit being insecure, that sh*t is unattractive.

   Winter is coming. Women about to steal your heart and your hoodie.

   If 90's R&B comes on in the bedroom, we making a baby. I don't care.

   I don't care if you catch me creeping your page. I'll like 74 of your posts in a row, what you gonna do about it.

   Kill that blower or blow that killer.... Whatever

   Apparently you have to eat healthy more than once to get in shape. This is cruel and unfair.

   My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex but my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.

   I live with fear every day.....sometimes she lets me go fishing!