Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   An empty browser history says more than a full one.

   Date a cat owner. They love something that doesn’t even like them back.

   There’s nothing horribler than a word that isn’t real.

   I got some new underwear. Well they're new to me.

   My neighbor’s cat got into the booth with me when I was testing my teleportation device and now there’s cat hair all over my genes.

   Når verden er for stor Og stien er alt for bratt Kan du vende blikket mot Nord Selv I denne mørke natt

   Do you think I can get a new ringtone on this ankle monitor?

   I just want to have the poker face of a toddler that tells you that they didn’t poop their pants.

   Only 3 things can make me run When someone yells, "Fire", "Free beer", or "The free beer is on fire”

   She will always remember this as the day she almost caught captain Jack Sparrow

   Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you’re in.

   After all these years, I think I figured out Victoria’s Secret.... She’s hungry.

   It’s sad that a few fake Nigerian princes have ruined it for all the good Nigerian princes who are just looking to wire 24 million dollars.

   Thinking is hard, perhaps you should leave that to your betters.

   Any stairway can be a stairway to heaven. . . If you're clumsy enough.

   If it sucks so much, why do you keep coming back? It only sucks when you're here.

   The fact that anyone thought Todd Chrisley was straight is wild to me

   I'm going to McDonald's for breakfast and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken, just to see which one comes first.

   Please take care. You could have Monkey Pox and not even realize it. You may be a-chimptomatic.

   ✅Convoy & Control✅