jitney Funny Status Messages

   Government: Trickling Poverty up, so every one is Equal today......

   Since I'm sleeping on the couch, Switced my wife's alka seltzer water with red bull and 2 laxative pills!!! Her shittz going to fly!

   Since I'm sleeping on the couch, Switced my wife's alka seltzer water with red bull and 2 laxative pills, Since I'm sleeping on the couch !!!

   How come i'm your best friend all of a sudden when you need money? but you dont remember when I needed a ride?

   If only they had and Olympic event for Facebook, my FB friend would win Gold everytime in the Drama event..

   No wonder, the Chinese took the medal in Table Tennis in the olympics....their use to seeing small balls going back n forth.

   Welcome to Chik-Fila, doesn't really matters what you all protest for, as long as you EAT MORE CHICKEN!!

   I tried cooking with wine tonight, after five glasses, I forgot why I was even in the kitchen

   Anyone remembers walking far away from your house just to see how good is your wireless home phone reception before it goes out?.....Man did those phones have good battery- life

   Micheal Phelps did it again......Smoke weed before swimming, got hungry and hurried up and swimmed to the Golden All-American buffett

   Either I'm seriously drunnk or gas prices are high again.... I just got pulled over by a cop on a horse!

   Nothing Screams "You're stuck in friend's Zone" like when she tags you as her brother on FB

   I never responded to your foolishness because I still have what you don't want me to have!

   Dear paranoid ppl who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, if you do find one, what's your plan?

   A Woman's Football League would only be interesting to me if its raining and the uniform are white.

   Dear Customer Service: When are all of your representatives NOT assisting other callers?

   Shout out to whoever got these gas prices down in July. now lets hit da two dollar mark.

   My sons argue n fight all day n never share. Y'all shared a womb and before that a sack now you can't share a friggin bag of chips ugggghh

   Spooning may lead to Forking

   Man, it was so HOT today, Instagram stop working!.....